#this race was stressing me tf out…I can’t

[rckfackt]

There Is a Light That Never Goes Out-The Smiths

Driving in your car

I never, never want to go home

Because I haven't got one anymore

[pimosworld]

Tango

Pairing-Frankie Morales x f!reader

Summary-It only takes a little push for you and Frankie to stop dancing around each other.

CW-18+,MDNI,NSFW,Smut, horrible date, tf boys being protective, cursing,angst,comfort, fingering, unprotected piv,cream pie,soft-dom Frankie,sweet aftercare. Reader is not race coded and photo does not represent reader.

WK-4k

A/N-I wrote this as a procrastination for my actual wips. Please enjoy my obsession with the tf boys being protective and as always hints of fishben.

Not beta read

————-

The bar is dark save for the few flashing lights of the music from the DJ booth. The thick humid air makes it hard to breathe as you belt out your favorite song while grinding on Santis flavor of the week. 

  It always went this way, you’d be the perfect wing woman for him, dancing with some person until you got tired and Santi would swoop in to take your place, and for a night or a few weeks you’d have a friend to accompany you on the dance floor while the boys nursed their beers. 

  You’ve been seeing this guy James casually for a few weeks that you met out one night on your own, but he wasn’t going to stop you from your weekly ritual of dancing out the stresses of your daily life. The guys seemed to tolerate him enough to invite him out, which is how you found yourself on the dance floor with ‘Francesca’ as they sat in the booth trying to look impressed with whatever your date was saying. 

  Pope was a Tom cat and had no issues picking up people but in his words ‘I love to watch you work your magic’. You couldn’t lie, it was exhilarating to be wanted by anyone. It’s not just a sexual attraction, it’s a rush when you can connect with someone on a different level. Inevitably once you introduced them to Santiago they would fall immediately but not before inviting you to join which you were adamant about not crossing that line with him-for now. 

  “She’s something else.” The sarcasm in his tone is completely lost on Frankie as he watches you and Santi’s soon to be hookup captivate the dance floor. 

  He can see it in their eyes, the way you make people feel like they're the only ones in the room with you. He thinks you’ve looked at him that way but he can’t be sure he wasn’t just seeing things. 

  “Ya she is.” It was supposed to be spoken in his head but evidently he said it out loud.

  Will shoots him a look but your date hardly notices the way he said it with such longing in his voice. He knows, they all know that Frankie has loved you forever. It seems the only one oblivious to this is you. 

  “I mean it’s hot if she’s not your girlfriend but if she is…” Suddenly all attention is on him and he doesn’t even notice. The tension starts to rise at the table like lions ready to pounce and he’s the innocent prey none the wiser. 

  “If she is then…what?” Will speaks first, the stoic one usually wanting to avoid confrontation for fear of losing his temper, except when it comes to you. 

  “Come on, you don’t mean to tell me you’d be ok with the way she’s acting in public if she was your girlfriend?” 

  “Did I miss something?” Ben turns to face James, seated conveniently next to him and Will subtly grabs his arm giving a light squeeze as a warning. This guy is not worth it. 

  “She’s just dancing right?” He looks around the table as Will scrubs his face with his hands and Santi is too enraptured with you and Francesca on the dance floor to notice Frankie’s hard set jaw and crossed arms staring daggers at your date.

  “Ya she’s dancing…she’s almost exposed half the room to her ass and it looks like they’re going to fuck right there on the dance floor.” Santi finally looks over at him tearing his eyes away from you and then to Frankie with a sly grin on his face. 

  “This pendejo got a problem?” 

  “No problem man,I just don’t know how comfortable you’d be with your girl acting like that.” Frankie digs his nails into his palm, sure to draw blood as he fights the urge to lunge across the table and teach this guy how to talk about women. 

  “If you’re upset about it you should definitely say somethin’.” The guys all turn to Will, mischievous grins on their face knowing what a massacre he was walking into. 

  You direct your gaze to the table completely oblivious to the conversation happening about you as Frankie smiles. His deep brown eyes look at you as if you’re the only one in the room. His signature cap turned backwards, encasing his curls. You’re locked in a trance almost forgetting about your date who you’ve left alone for quite some time with them. The guy wouldn’t even be here if you thought there was a chance with Frankie. 

  Most days you push those thoughts away, he was your best friend and if he wanted to be anything more he would make a move. 

  You grab Francesca’s hand to lead her over to the table, it is definitely time for a break and perhaps another drink while you rejoin Santi and the guys.

  ——

“You boys thirsty cause I am?” Will nudges Benny to move so he can slide out of the booth.

  “Next rounds on me sweetheart.” He kisses your forehead as he heads to the bar.

  You sit beside Frankie and you’re acutely aware of the dull ache in your feet, you groan as you rub your heel under the table. 

  “I take it you’re not joining us on the dance floor.” 

  “No Santiago, you go have fun.” Frankie resists the urge to rest his arm on the seat behind you as he always does when you’re next to each other. 

  Santi and Francesca head to the dance floor as you lean into Frankie momentarily forgetting your date.

   “It’s probably best if you take a break from embarrassing yourself anyway.” It feels like all the air has left your lungs as you glance over at your date in utter shock. 

  Benny gets a look in his eye you’ve never seen before as he leans across the table coming face to face with him. “I think the only one embarrassing themselves is you.” 

  James looks over at you now fully curled into Frankie’s side, his arm now draped across your shoulder with a gentle grip letting you know he’s there if you need him. 

  “Oh I see what’s happening here.” He gestures between the two of you and Ben. “Do you guys take turns or how does that work?” 

  Before you can blink Benny has his collar curled up in his fists as he pulls him out of the booth. 

  Will ditches the drinks at the bar to run over and grab Ben before you’re all kicked out. 

  “I was gone for two seconds, what happened?” Ben releases his collar shoving him into the table as Will stands between the two. 

  “Ben was just giving him a lesson in how to talk to women.” Frankie’s calm tone is a stark contrast to the feral look in his eyes as he stares him down just waiting for him to say something stupid again. 

  He hasn’t released his grip on you and you’ve all but melted into his embrace as you try not to focus on his calloused hand rubbing circles on your shoulder as the other picks nervously at the label on his beer. 

  “I’m out of here, you guys can have her.” He brushes past Will, not bothering to look in your direction. In true coward form he calls over his shoulder just far enough away from Benny. “She doesn’t put out anyway.” 

  “Fucking jackass.” They all turn to you as you’ve seemed to have found your voice again. 

  “Don’t worry about guys like that hermosa, they don’t deserve you.” His eyes have softened again as he looks at you, there’s a pull that you can’t resist forming between the two of you and you don’t want to fight it anymore. 

  He’s not sure if you're aware or if you were subconsciously rubbing your hand along his thigh to calm yourself. It’s having the opposite effect on him as a slow burning heat builds in his stomach, you’re inching your hand further and further and his cock twitches as his body betrays him. You take in a sharp inhale and he bites down hard on his bottom lip to suppress the groan threatening to spill out. 

  Will clears his throat getting your attention again as you glance at Benny with a wide grin on his face practically bouncing on his feet from the adrenaline. 

  “I’m gonna grab those drinks I left before I had to wrangle rocky over here.” 

  Ben slides in next to you caging you in against Frankie, personal space was not the boy's strong suit. 

  “Thank you.” He looks down at you with those big blue eyes. 

  “What are you thanking me for, sweetheart?” 

  “For defending my honor of course.” Frankie’s laugh reverberates through your body filling you with a warm fuzzy feeling. 

  “Don’t thank him, he loves doing shit like that.” Benny flips him off as Will returns to the table with the drinks, Santi and his date walk up still catching their breath from dancing. 

  “Fish should be thanking me for getting rid of him.”

  “Ben.” Will's warning has him throwing his hands up in mock surrender. You almost miss the look Frankie sends him, a silent conversation between the two that looked as close to thank you as it could get. 

  “For the record I do put out, he was just having some performance issues.” Santis eyes go wide at the comment as the rest of the table erupts in laughter. 

  “I definitely missed something cariño.”

  “Nothing much just Ben taking out the trash.” He finally notices your absent date and your close proximity to Frankie and claps his brother on the shoulder. 

  “Finally you two idiotas can stop dancing around each other.” Heat creeps up your neck at the thought of your crush being more obvious than you previously knew. 

  It relaxes you a little to see the redness on Frankie’s face as he’s been outed as well. He doesn’t deny it and that sends a rush of confidence through your body. 

  “I would never trust a man who didn’t like the sight of two beautiful women dancing with each other.” He looks at his date and she practically has hearts in her eyes for him. Some may say he laid in on a little thick but they fell for it every time. 

  Frankie adjusts again and your hand brushes against the bulge straining on his jeans. You give a light squeeze to test the waters and he leans down close to your ear. “You’re killing me right now, I hope you know that.”

  “Do you want to get out of here?” He nods at you and drops his arm from your shoulder to grab your hand to help you out of the booth. 

  “Where are you two going?” Benny looks like a wounded puppy as his brother leans back crossing his arms smiling sweetly at the two of you. 

  “My feet are killing me, Frankie’s gonna take me home.” Decent enough excuse not that it mattered, they all knew where you were going. 

  “You’re leaving without me?” 

  “Ben!” Santi and Will say in unison and you can’t help the giggle that escapes you at his incessant teasing. 

  “Maybe next time Ben.” Frankie shoots you a look as you shrug your shoulders. “He thought you two were sharing me anyway.” 

  “Ok I definitely missed something.” Santi and his date slide into your unoccupied seats as you and Frankie say your goodbyes. 

  You’re buzzing with nervous excitement as you walk through the bar hand in hand. He’s keeping you so close, a constant reminder of his protective nature.

  You’ve almost made it to the door before a large hand pulls you back slightly startling you. Frankie turns to see Ben holding your other hand placing a kiss on top.

  “I’m holding you to what you said.” You roll your eyes as you look up at Frankie whose patience is wearing painfully thin. 

  “Good night Benjamin.” He says through gritted teeth as he pulls you outside. You both laugh as you jog to his truck to try and make a break for it before he comes back for more. 

  He opens the door for you as he’s done a thousand times, you lift yourself up into the seat and before you can grab it he’s already buckling you in. He hesitantly pulls back as his hand brushes along your thigh. You instinctively close your legs but his hand gently pries them open as he runs his fingers higher under the hem of your dress. 

  His eyes haven’t left yours as he waits for you to tell him to stop but you don’t. Your chest is rising and falling and the slow drag of anticipation is building the heat in your core. You don’t care that you’re still in the parking lot as he touches his fingers to your soaked center. 

  He silences the soft whimper leaving your lips as he crashes his into yours. You swallow a groan as you bite down softly on his bottom lip. 

  “Are you this wet for me?” You nod against his lips as he moves your panties to the side dragging a finger through your slit. 

  “This is what you were doing to me hermosa.” He had a point but you definitely weren’t this graphic. It’s so depraved it shouldn't be turning you on this much. The thought of being caught has a fresh wave of slick coating his fingers. 

  “I want you to come right here.” He dips two fingers in pumping slowly at first as his thumb rubs circles on your clit. 

  You’re panting in his mouth as your hips try to leave the seat. The buckle restricts your movements and the heavy weight of his other palm on your hip.

  It would look to the outside like he’s talking to you with the door open as he uses his body to shield what he’s doing. 

  A familiar feeling is building in your center as he picks up his pace, coaxing you on with hushed words. You’re a whimpering mess while you grip his shoulder as he calls you his good girl.

  “Oh my god Frankie.”

  “That’s it hermosa come on, I know you can do it.” He’s growling in your ear as he rolls his hips into the seat for friction. 

  You don’t think anyone’s ever made you feel like this with just their hands as a wave of pleasure shoots through you. He presses down on that bundle of nerves that has you seeing stars and you’re stifling your moans into his neck as you come down from your high. 

  He kisses you soft and sweet as if he didn’t just take you apart in the parking lot of this bar. He pulls his fingers from you leaving an empty ache that you can’t wait to be filled. He brings them up to his mouth and drags them between his lips, humming at the taste. 

  “I’ve wanted to do that for so long.” His confession and lust blown eyes have you momentarily flustered. 

  You grab his neck pulling him into you as you lick into his mouth tasting yourself on his tongue. After waiting so long the desperation for each other is seeping through every fiber of your being as he devours your lips like his last meal. 

  You pause for a moment as he rests his forehead on yours, both of you trying to catch your breath. 

  “If we don’t leave now we won’t hear the end of it from Ben.” He plants a chaste kiss to your lips before he pulls away and closes your door. You’re grinning to yourself at the thought of explaining to any of them why you were still in the parking lot. 

  ——

  The ride to your house is less heated than your previous exchange but it’s almost better than that. His hand hasn’t left your thigh as he focuses on the road occasionally glancing over to you. You can’t stop looking over at him and his backwards hat doing wild things to your imagination.

  The silence is filled with so much tension as you think about finally having something you’ve wanted for so long. 

  He pulls into your driveway, mirroring so many things he’s done before yet this time as he comes around to open your door and help you out you can feel the desperation. He’s crowding behind you as you make your way to the door, his hands caress your hips as you struggle with shaky hands to unlock it. 

  As you enter he spins you around pressing his body to yours against the door, his breath is hot on your neck as he trails kisses along it down to your collarbone and pulls at the fabric of your dress with his teeth. 

  You throw his hat somewhere behind him as you finally run your fingers through his soft locks, he moans into your chest as you tug him further into you. Every nerve in your body is on the edge waiting to be pushed over. 

  He lifts your leg over his hip as he grinds into you, his hard cock straining through his jeans as he rubs it against you. You reach between you to unbuckle his pants and dip your hand under the waistband of his boxers, desperate to feel the soft skin of his cock as you wrap your fingers around it. 

  “Fuck.” He’s panting into your neck as he cants his hips helping you stroke him over and over. He gently grabs your wrist stilling your movements. “I’m not gonna last if you don’t stop.”

  “Bedroom?” Your voice comes out more timid than you like but he insistently nods his head as he gets a look in his eyes that you’ve only seen a handful of times. 

  You withdraw your hand and step out of your heels, he thinks you’re going to lead the way as you lightly push against his chest trailing your fingers down to put some distance between you but he sees a moment flash in your eyes as you take off towards the bedroom. 

  You may have had the element of surprise but just briefly as you hear loud footsteps quickly approaching. You’re giggling like some teenager as you round the corner to your bedroom. His hands are on your waist pulling you hard into his chest. “You’re going to pay for that.” He’s growling into your ear, breathing heavy behind you as he pulls your dress over your head. 

  You turn in his arms and graze your fingers under the hem of his shirt, lightly brushing the soft skin of his belly. He shudders under your touch as you lift it over his head. 

  This dance you’re doing with each other feels practiced like you’ve done it a thousand times. You don’t think after tonight you’ll be able to walk away not needing and wanting this everyday. 

  He walks you backward until your legs hit the bed, he gestures his fingers for you to scoot back as he strips down to nothing. He’s standing hard and naked in front of you, eyes boring into you hungrily like he wants to devour you. 

  He dips his knee onto the bed as he trails his fingers up your calf, leaning down to place kisses along your thighs and your stomach as he works his way up. He pauses between your breasts and you can feel his cock twitch against your clothed core. A half whine leaves your lips as he sucks hard on your nipple while his hand teases the other. 

  “Patience…I told you I was gonna make you pay for that hermosa.” Surely chasing you a few feet down a small hallway doesn’t equal the teasing he’s putting you through but you don’t want this to be over quickly so you will yourself to relax. 

  He tucks his fingers into the waistband of your panties and you lift your hips as he slides them down your legs discarding them somewhere behind him. He leans back a little as he spreads your legs wide exposing your dripping folds to him. “Fuck you’re beautiful.” 

  He grips the base of his cock, the tip is red and angry steadily leaking precum as he pumps himself over you groaning at the way your pussy clenches in anticipation. He drags the tip through your slit without pressing in, the sensation is too much and not enough as you try to raise your hips. He presses you down hard into the mattress with his other hand as his lips crash into yours swallowing your whimpers of frustration.

  “I like those little noises you make…I might just keep playing with you for a while.”  He teases your entrance just barely pressing into your core and then slowly pulls away. He chuckles into your neck at the loud mewl you let out.

  He’s trying to kill you. If you died this way it would be worth it. 

  “Frankie…” Your attempt at begging is cut off as he buries himself to the hilt, he’s so thick and the stretch is almost too much but he slowly starts to rock his hips and you both let out a sigh of relief as your body finally relaxes. Your legs spread wider to wrap around his waist as your feet press against his ass to pull him in closer. 

  “Fuck this pussy feels like heaven.” He moans into your neck as he picks up his pace, you can feel every ridge of his cock through your walls as you clench down hard on him, the sounds coming from him only spur you on more as you lift your hips to meet his thrusts. 

  He grabs your hands placing them above your head as he looks between you watching where your bodies meet. You’re shaking beneath him as your climax quickly approaches, he leans down kissing you and swallowing every moan that leaves your lips. 

  His pace is faltering and you can tell he’s right on the edge with you. You lock your fingers with his still placed above your head as you whisper praises into his ear and chants of his name. 

  “Come with me Frankie.” The breathless tone of your voice and the lone tear falling down your face as you come hard, clenching down on him. It’s like a firework behind your eyes as he shouts your name into your neck grinding his hips once and twice before he collapses his weight on top of you. 

  You lay there a while rubbing soothing lines up and down his sweaty back as he tries to catch his breath. 

  “I’m crushing you.” He tries to slide off you but you cage him in with your legs not yet ready to face the moment where he might leave. 

  “Just a little bit longer please?” He kisses your lips as an answer. Swollen and puffy from the night's activities but so soft in his own way. 

  He eventually pulls away from you as he retreats to your bathroom, you can faintly hear the sound of running water as sleep tries to claim you. He returns with a washcloth as he delicately wipes your thighs and your folds with such care that you almost cry. No one’s ever cared for you like this after sex. It’s a shame how foreign it feels. 

  “It would probably be more comfortable if we slept under the covers.” He’s trying to tug them back as you register what he’s saying. 

  “You want to stay?” He pauses at your words perhaps a little forward in assuming you wanted him to.

  “Of course…only if you want.” You crawl under them faster than you realize and pat the spot next you where you normally have a mountain of pillows. 

  He slides in perfectly as he pulls you flush against him, his slow breaths fanning the back of your neck as he starts to fall asleep. 

  The unspoken rhythm of this dance finally finds its voice between you. 

Comments and reblogs are much appreciated

[the-vibes-are-off]

The Stormlight Archive Volume 1: The Way of Kings’ Review: Chapters 12-15

link to contents page - https://at.tumblr.com/the-vibes-are-off/hey-hey/96xd9ohihrzs

aaaaaaaaaand the energy continues to be low, naturally I would continue to be lacking recovery at the height of essay writing season. This part comes fresh from the fingertips of my post nap self since I did a grocery shop this morning (i forgot to buy tea :’)))) and just passed tf out after lunch. I would make another cuppa to attempt to feel the benefits of a little caffeine boost but, even though my kettle is in my room, bed too snuggly and warm to leave.

Deffo intrigued by part 2, the prelude and prologue are making more sense in relation to the plot now and im liking the characterisation and relationship dynamics that are being built :))

Spoiler Free Zone: 

The absolutely heart wrenching feeling seeing Shallan NOT in this part that I experienced yesterday was not ok. BUT the introduction of the Elhokar, Adolin, Dalinar, Renarin and Sadeas interactions is kinda worth it bc they’re hella entertaining.

Kaladin maintaining the better energy in this part is great too, he’s on some kinda wild grindset like I could personally never but pop off ig king.

Syl and her progression too? Living for it. I can’t wait to find out more about her as the book continues.

***SPOILER ZONE AHEAD, YOU’VE BEEN WARNED***

Spoiler Zone:

Interesting change in chapter quotes, I was very much enjoying the before death quotes but I dont know I think I vibe with these too. I’m assuming they’re from a letter to someone and whoever is writing it is so sassy I love it: “I hope this missive find you well” to “now that you are essentially immortal, I would guess that wellness on your part is something of a given” is so iconic.

In the ways of tabs, I simply loved Dalinar’s little moment just riding his horse with the wind hitting his face like mf needs a break from having these visions like the destress must’ve been immense. 

And then his little smile when Elhokar won their little like race thingy, so cute, we love positive masculine relationships omg 

Which naturally just had to be interrupted by memories of his vision and stress out the poor guy. I will say though I love a character that has questionable means of acquiring knowledge that is untrusted by their peers (hello Jonathan Sims of The Magnus Archives) so I’m super on the edge of my seat over this visions business 

On my earlier topic of character interactions tho, Wit is READING the whole family to filth my goodness. Like yeah it was chill whatever when he was just teasing Renarin over girls but the shade on Sadeas? As he fucking should. Sadeas is a bitch and should be treated as such. 

Then the fight, ugh. While I love the lore of like chasmfiends, and gemhearts and how they’re harvested and their uses and all that jazz; and OBVIOUSLY you can’t beat a cheeky little beat down of some insect like creature; Elhokar’s little main character ‘I’m hard as fuck’ call to destiny “I defy you” moment made my blood boil and instantly lose any likeability towards him. It was a major ick. You’d thinking having inherited the title of king that long ago that he would have matured more.

Alas, all I had tabbed in Kaladin’s bit was between him and Syl (what can I say I love her). Her whole self-awareness into gaining intelligence and sentience is so cool and I’m so intrigued to see how it progresses. Its kinda sad that shes stuck inbetween the threat of forgetting into being ignorant of everything that has happened and all she knows and, although that would be easier, not wanting to lose the freedom of what she knows. 

And on that same page, Kaladin says something I think everyone needs to hear: “I don’t know what I am either. A bridgeman? A surgeon? A soldier? A slave? Those are all just labels. Inside, I’m me.” 

Tab Count:

Cute <3 - 1

Fights - 1

Sad ;-; - 0

Death - 0

Cool - 1

Wtf wow - 0

Wtf Why - 2

Slay Quotes - 3

Love this! - 2

Hate this >:( - 1

Lore - 0

Tab Total:

Cute <3 - 7

Fights - 5

Sad ;-; - 2

Death - 2

Cool - 5

Wtf wow - 2

Wtf Why - 3

Slay Quotes - 8

Love this! - 8

Hate this >:( - 3

Lore - 2

[jinkicake]

New Years and I got kazuha brainrot😔 thinking instead of him being tied up and going feral from watching the shogun get hands it’s an enemy to lovers type beat. Like he hates you almost as much as the shogun for no reason like idk what tf I would do to make him hate me but I would be a general annoyance🥰 him chasing me through Inazuma as I keep dodging him and playfully shocking him like a doorknob. He hates electro so much he’s just ready to fight LMFAO only Beidou is cool. He’s so irritated he can’t catch me bc I’m just disappearing and showing up at the most in opportune times 💕singing his name and calling him cute but also he’s weak bc hehe you can’t hurt me. Tying him up and and caressing his face while also reading random ass poetry; just flirting w him to piss him off more “aww you look so angry kazuha🥺 do you hate me that much🥺” but like kazuha is sneaky asf so he’s out of the ropes, like people forget that!! He’s a little shit!! Like he’s very soft and well behaved like albedo BC THEY ARE MASTER MANIPULATORS LIKE THEY ARE SWEET TALKERS!! Kayea is just more overt w it bc he’s also using sex appeal, albedo and kazuha are the dangerous ones like turning up the heat on a frog in water you don’t notice until it’s too late. They sweet talk you into safety and when you finally become defenseless to their true intensions they spring it in you and attack then!! So this mf would grab you out of nowhere while you’re super distracted. “Why don’t I show you how much I hate you”😭 rip bc unhinged hate fuck kazuha is my fav brand actually, him just rearranging your guts like he hates you, pounding you in a mating press like he’s trying to knock you up bc what would be sweeter revenge than forcing the nuisance plaguing his life to continue the kadehara clan🥰 glaring at you and degrading you while your face is twisted in pleasure. Like he accidentally fucks himself stupid too, when he comes down from the high of being that mad he realizes he’s overstimulated and you’re milking him dry but it feels too good to stop now and also he’s not done taking revenge 😔 he needs to go until his body is screaming at him to stop needs to keep shit talking “you hated me so much but here you are begging me to go deeper” this cock mf is good at saving face unfortunately 🙄😒 so he’s cooing like he plans on edging you- he doesn’t his balls would actually explode if he stops moving- “you want me to go deeper? Isn’t that gunna hurt you sweetheart? So desperate for me to ruin you huh?” Pushing his full body weight on you so you can’t move an inch, you just gotta take it idk what to say?? When he shakily let’s your legs drop from is shoulder he watches as all his cum spill out so he takes his fingers and pushed it back in😭”this is your punishment” before passing tf out

I think a kazuha brainrot is the perfect way to enter the new year!

my heart literally started to race at the mention of 'enemies to lovers' FHDSUHDSUHF THIS IS TOO GOOD a mean!kazuha is sooo hawt like why do i want to be his enemy now??? getting into actual fights w him would so stressful and the tension would be SO thick bc he's pinning you down to the ground and cursing your existence and then kissing you in the most selfish way ever... he doesn't understand these feelings himself but he can't listen to you talk anymore so he just- SMOOCH! oh my heart-

also,,, the way you describe him and albedo is so sick like i genuinely think I may bend over backward for him now like.... manipulator!kazuha hmmmm heheheh i need it

yes.... yeah! kazuha going from fucking you dumb to being fucked dumb is so respectable. he's everything i need in a m4n

WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SEE NOW WHERE IS THIS IN THE KAZUHA TAGSSSS im tired of him being written as a sweetie (even if he is, my sweet meow meow), i need unhinged!kazuha like idc if its ooc i dont care at all.... it's too good T T i want desperate!messy!kazuha... your brainrots are too good im so jealous of them

[tiredf-o-u-r]

I think this personal block I have with it is that my brain is taking it as by calling it Birth Control that implies that without it, what, there will be uncontrollable births? That birth is possible? There’s actually like one specific thing that causes birth and it has absolutely nothing to do with me or my pussy or my inside organs so why do we need to mention anything other than my pussy or inside organs when I’m going to a doctor for treatment on my pussy and inside organs I don’t want to hear about how other people cope with their frigid sex lives and if it creates life that’s simply not my business and I don’t give a fuck and it’s so in my face all the time and fucking disgusting and selfish imho so I don’t wanna fucking hear about it when I’m already stressed tf out and think drs don’t gaf already. It’s like if anything related to driving a car or getting a license was always referred to as racing like ok when you get your racing license and whatever this analogy is stupid it makes me so irritated why don’t you just call it what it is fuckin idk menstrual health or something because it’s actually the number one thing trying to get me to sign off at the moment so I really can’t sit patiently and wait to hear about all the ways to get nutted in after the painful shit where they shove stuff in you or make you constantly sick so a man can dump cum in a vagina like can I have a break from that for one moment in this god forsaken society is it really too much to ask for that break to coincide with worrying about my own health with my own doctors stop talking about birth and semen and men it makes me want to fucking die just put me out of my misery and then I go look it up and the only thing taking any of that into consideration is like ok we can rip out all the shit you don’t want but that is going to definitely be 100% elective and also this quick torture chamber of hoops to jump through so that we think you’re worthy of requesting this procedure that is ruining my life

[neverluckygoldfish]

23 -

Lately: been sick as a dog. I hate the flu.

With that being said, I also recently blew up my entire life….in a good way ;)

I have dreamed of settling down in the PNW my entire life. And no, not because I read twilight. My soul has felt at home in the moody gray, the greenery, the culture. I had plans to do so in the next two years. But life happens (as it does) and now I’m moving in 4 weeks!! Holy shit. It feels surreal.

Do I feel like this is a totally bonkers idea? Maybe. Probably. But I don’t care because everything in me is screaming “hell yes” towards this opportunity.

It’s a big change but I feel grateful because I don’t have an urge to drink or use (wild). It’s stress, but the good kind lol.

They say don’t make any major life changes your first year in recovery….but I’ve never been good at listening anyway.

I turn 30 next year. I’m new in recovery, a newlywed, no house or real assets, barely a retirement savings, no kids (except my dog is my child and you can’t convince me otherwise), a little money in the bank, unemployed (making a career change nonetheless), and jumping into this wild change, headfirst. This is not how I pictured 30 haha.

But something I’ve come to admire about myself is my resilience. If I have ever been unhappy with my situation or desired something - I have set my sights on it and fixed/gotten it. Maybe I did it the hard way and maybe I’m (often) too stubborn to listen to advice, but I did it. No looking back. A pro of being selfish. I have never been afraid to take a bold risk, to dare greatly.

Age is just a number baby! Unless it’s less than 18.

I’ve struggled to connect with my greater She lately - once again, I’m trying to control every aspect of my life. To race against some perceived idea that I’m running out of time. That I have wasted all this time with my issues. That I’m behind.

Maybe that’s why I’m sick? If signs are real, I’ll take this as one that I need to SLOW tf down and surrender.

A friend recently told me “it sounds like you are building recovery around your life when you should be building your life around recovery”. It got me thinking. It made me pause….she’s so right. I think it’s an easy trap to fall into. Once things are good, I just race to the next thing. My foundation is fragile right now. What I do, my attitude - it determines my perspective. It sets a precedent moving forward.

I want to let go of the old me: insecure, approval seeking, people pleasing, melancholy, secretive, controlling, perfectionist. I welcome the new me who sees challenges as an adventure, who is kind not only to others but most importantly, to herself. Who lives a fulfilling life and finds joy in the stillness of every day. Who isn’t afraid to chase her dreams. Who trusts in her own capabilities. Who says fuck the haters (lol, but literally).

I am the woman in the arena. Forever.

I needed that reminder.

So yeah, big move but I am so ready. It feels like a fresh start. Also the little kid in me is like “omg eeeeee!!!!!! Check, life dream accomplished”. Energy is on overload lol.

I’m in a good headspace and at a point in my life where I’m comfortable with who I am. I’m not chasing what’s not meant for me. I’m releasing my shame. I’m learning to forgive myself. I’m staying present. I am becoming proud of the person I was / the person I am.

It’s never too late to start over. Everything can be fun, it’s all dependent on perspective. I welcome the next few months and all the adventures ahead!!!

I have faith in my intuition - my greater She. She has led me here.

Each day, a little better and brighter.

[haikyoonn]

Karasuno First Years - Sleepover Hc's

✨ bcs everyone needs friends, me included✨

Warning: cursing and fluffy friendship

gn! reader

In your house, obviously.

Basically, you and Yachi were talking about daily randomness and she ended up telling you that she never went to a sleepover before

You stared at her like "bitch, ykw???" Or like "Me too."

Little baby almost cried when you said the both of you should do one together

You two went to Kyioko to ask if she was free and if she wanted to join, but sadly she had plans already

Sad™

Smol tangerine boy noticed the disappointment and asked what was wrong

He cares ok? 🥺

Yachi was the first one to tell him almost instantly, sad puppy eyes

She doesn't have a lot of friends, she wanted the sleepover so bad 😞😞

Hinata said "OH NO!" precious

He wanted to help, so he stroked a proud pose and said he would join with sparkles around his face ✨✨✨

Happiness: 100% level

It didn't last too long until Kageyama knew about the sleepover

Ofc tangerine would tell him or the whole team

He was like " I'm going to a sleepover and you are not! I WON!"

Kageyama: tf is a sleepover?

You were distributing water bottles when he went running to you asking to join the sleepover thing

You were like: ??? Who told you???

Ofc you wouldn't say no to him, like??? He's baby, tf??? That sparking eyes???

When you said he could join he felt cocky while his hands were on his hips

But then he made a "I'm confusion" face and asked you what a sleepover was

Patience™

Yamaguchi looked at him concerned slowly taking the bottle of your hands

Yamaguchi: You don't know what a sleepover is?

Kageyama: Am I supposed to?

*Tsukishima scoffed in the distance

Tsukishima: Kings don't go to sleepovers, they don't have friends, only slaves

You invited the salt just because of that.

He rejected.

Kageyama was lost, you didn't answer him

Yamaguchi asked who were invited and asked if we could join too politely with a slight blush

Must protect.

Now that Yama is officially part of the sleepover, Tsukishima would 100% be there as well

It's the law.

Sleepover time! 🤠🤠

You and Yachi walked together to your house after practice at the Friday Night

Both of you stopping at some stores to buy some snacks and c a n d y 🍭🍭

And ice cream, just because

Yamaguchi and Tsukishima arrived at the same time, and Yamaguchi also bought food with his sleeping plushie

He does have one, shush

Tsukishima bought salt.

His headphones and sleep mask 💅🏼✨

Hinata and Kageyama showed up panting at you door, you assumed they were racing who would reach your place first

Hinata jumped on you it's his style to greet someone and entered your house jumping on top of the couch

Someone is excited.

Kageyama shoved a volleyball at your face with his two hands

Kageyama: I BOUGHT A VOLLEYBALL!

You: Oh really? Didn't notice.

Tsukishima is hugging his knees and is disgusted "who tf would bring a volleyball to a sleepover???"

Hinata was already eating and Yachi was trying to hide the other snacks from him

Yamaguchi is smiling and calmly sitting in the ground next to the salt, he was actually really happy that he's hanging out with friends

Movies! 🤠🤠

Yamaguchi is screaming while hugging your arm and Yachi passing out on the sofa with the horror movie

Tsukishima starting to stress with the stupid choices people make

Hinata and Kageyama fighting about who's a scared cry baby, both in the floor and Hinata is sitting between your shins

Someone help you

Snacks! 🤠🤠

Hinata ate all.

So you needed to make dinner and some sweet desserts

Yachi helps you with dinner, both of you casually talking and smiling

It's a cute sight 🥺🥺

Yama helps you with the dessert, he is used to make sweets tsukishima's falt

You sit next to Yachi on the table, and y'all eat.

Not peacefully, tho.

Hinata and Kageyama were fighting again

"I bEt YoU cAn'T eAt As MuCh As I dO!"

Yachi casually sliding cups of water to you for their lives sake

Not patience™

About the volleyball Kageyama bought 🤠🤠

After eating Kageyama came to you like a puppy

And asked if playing volleyball is part of the sleepover

You are friends with a whole ass volleyball team, what did u expect???

You said yes

He smiles excited

But it will need some modifications

He confusion

You asked him to sit next to you in the floor and he did, as well everyone

You explained the "Never have I ever" game

You said you question and tossed the ball to Kageyama and encouraged him to do the same

It went like that.

Tossing and playing "Never have I ever" but instead of losing points or drinking, y'all needed to throw a pillow at the person

Hinata received the toss with his hands at one round, and thought:

HMMMMM 🤔 I'll try to embarrass S O M E O N E

Hinata: Never have I ever went to a sleepover 😌😌😌

Tsukishima: You haven't?

Hinata: w a i t

Tsukishima, Yamaguchi and you were laughing real bad

You were about to throw a pillow at Yachi and Kageyama, but Hinata took one and threw it h a r d at Tsukishima's face

TSUKIIII [ insert Tadashi's voice ]

His glasses were bent over his face

Haha laugh funny vine/meme

Pillow fight! 🤠🤠

Tsukishima was about to suffocate Hinata but you saved him saying: We NeEd TeAmS, rIgHt?

Team one: You, Hinata And Yachi¹

Team two: Tsukishima, Tadashi and Kageyama²

Yachi accidentally slipped while going to throw another pillow and ended up hitting Yamaguchi's straight in the face

His eyes were teary, not because it hurted him but because of the impact of the pillowcase with his eyes

Yachi started to shake you with panic

She glued her head to the floor and apologized 1.000 times to him even if he reassured her it was alright

You asked him if he was ok while touching his shoulder

b l u s h

You are beautiful, ok?

You shouted to the freak duo to catch every pillow you guys used and bring them to you

Who catches more pillows wins.

The room it's nice and clean in seconds 😌💅🏼✨

Time to sleep! 🤠🤠

Smol tangerine won the 1x1

Kags is already in his mattress because he angy 😤

You dragged him to the bathroom and told him to brush his fckin teeth before sleeping, tho.

After that, you ruffle tangerine's hair and said he did a good job

Congratulations, he won't sleep of happiness

You give him the ice cream pot to calm him down while you show Yachi bby where she's sleeping after she brushed her teeth

Wich is the mattress next to the right side of yours, and wishes her good night

Hinata is done with the ice cream and goes to sleep

Bitch??? B r u s h. Y o u r. T e e t h.

He does and goes to sleep with another hair ruffle from you

Yamaguchi gets out of the bathroom and asks you where he's sleeping

Wich is this whole couch 😌😌

He reassures that he doesn't need to sleep on the couch just because of the incident before but you don't c a r e

He's not injured but he is.

You are about to turn the lights off while wishing everyone good night

Everyone respond to you, only not Kageyama

You: I'll wait...

Kageyama:...

You:..?

Kageyama:...g'night...

You: Thank you.

When you turn of the lights, there's still light in the room

It's Tsukishima with Tik Tok

Again.

He is laying in his mattress wich is next to yours, but on the left side, with his headphones on

You don't even bother to tell him to go to sleep, you start scrolling on your for you page as well

You both stay like that until 2AM, silently giggling

Until he turns off his phone and turn his back to you

Tsukishima: I'll sleep, you should as well

You turn your back to his and wishes him good night again, no response this time.

Y'all woke up with drawings and toothpaste in your faces 🤠🤠

end.

[just-a-creep-babe]

Hello, I am here with a request if that is ok, I was thinking about how would Eyeless jack, BEN Drowned, and our three favourite proxies react to an S/O who is very quiet and shy yet out of no where she defends herself easily out in the woods by herself without even knowing her lover was there, then when they ask her about how she did it she says that she got it from watching them

Oki poki so I’m not sure if this is what you wanted, but I hope it’s ok!! Also I changed like,,, the verb tense (is that even what you call it? Idk skdhdkdjdk) but I changed it a couple times n ahhhh I just don’t know, it might read kinda weird, I sowey 🥺👉👈 But I hope you enjoy nonetheless!!

~Requests are closed~

Masterlist: x

BEN Drowned

“Woah”

Is that his s/o he just witnessed??

His adorable little reserved s/o that just beat the crap out of some rando who was bugging her?

Boy’s absolutely amazed

He jumps out of her phone & immediately has a ~shit ton~ of questions because he’s blown away 

“Are you ok? Did he hurt you!? Holy shit, that was sick, (y/n)! Where’d you learn to do that?!”

When she explains herself, he honestly gets kinda flustered & bashful

But then his regular shit-eating grin returns and he tries to play it off like it’s nothing

“Of course you got it from me, I’m pretty badass” he scoffs

Honestly though, he’s super flattered & honored and just??

Like wowie, he doesn’t know what he did to deserve such an amazing s/o

A very proud ghost bf uwu

Eyeless Jack

Boy was following her scent through the forest so they could meet up & hang out

And, having lived in the mansion for quite some time now, he’s grown to be pretty unfazed by all manners of things that happen around him

But he really wasn’t expecting to stumble in on his shy little s/o pressing her foot into someone’s neck on the ground

And then she gives what sounds like a warning before letting them go, and the stranger scrambles off into the woods

His first instinct is to immediately race over & check her for any injuries—and he’s bIG TIME relieved when it turns out she’s fine

When she finally explains herself after, like, the 12th time of reassuring him she’s fine skdjdkl, his black heart swells with pride

He’s pretty stoic, so it’s hard to read what he’s feeling, but his protective instincts definitely have him sticking closer around her for the rest of the night

And later that evening, when he thinks back to what happened, he gets mad at himself for not being better for his little mate

He knows he can’t actually be there for her 24/7, but he wants to try to put in more effort to assure her overall safety

He’s super proud she defended herself this time, but what if the next creep is much stronger??

The whole thing just makes him stalk follow her around a lot more tbh, even when she might not realize it

He also starts second-guessing himself a lot more than he already did

Is he a bad influence? If she gets used to seeing his eating/hunting habits, will it affect her in the long run?

Boy ends up with lots of existential questions, and she has to reassure him a lot tbh :/

But honestly, homeboy should know by now that she doesn’t want a normal life if it means not being with him uwu

Masky

He sees his s/o pining someone down, and for a split second, he almost gets the wrong idea

Maybe she isn’t who he thinks she is—maybe she’s a lot more brazen and open and… unashamed

But then he realizes that she isn’t, in fact, cheating on him or anything like that, and he’s immediately ashamed of ever even thinking she’d betray him like that

He walks up to them and he is pissed

The stranger doesn’t stand a chance

After he deals with them, he pulls her impossibly close to him and asks a million questions all too suddenly

“Who was that? Where did they come from? How long have they been following you? How did you learn to do that?”

When she explains, he gets quiet for a moment, and again, because of the mask, it’s kinda be hard to tell what he’s thinking

It’s almost,, kinda scary ngl

But he just gets that way because he’s crazy worried for her

And he’s super proud she could defend herself, but he understands the risks of fighting almost better than anyone else

So he definitely wants to teach her more about self-defence—while also lowkey feeling soft that she originally learned from him without him even teaching her in the first place

He honestly feels kinda bad for not teaching her sooner—oop

Overall starts being more protective of her too, while also seeing her in a new light

Guess his cute little s/o is actually pretty damn badass, huh?

Hoodie

He‘d be trying to find his s/o when he hears someone else in the forest

So naturally, he decides to check it out

And when he sees his s/o kicking the shit out of some shady person, he gets this huge grin tugging at his lips because damn, that’s my babe

Like he’s pretty amused ngl skdjdjsls

He sticks around in the shadows for a while, watching until the creep eventually scrambles away with their tail between their legs

And then he sneaks up behind her & wraps his arms around her to nuzzle into her neck

Almost earning a punch to the gut but, c’mon, what’d he expect? Skdjdkl

When she tells him what happened & how she knew what to do, he offers teaching her more right away

Will arrange plenty of training/workout sessions, no further questions asked

He’s probably the most chill about what he saw tbh

Like he knows quiet people have it in them to be scary, being quiet himself, so it isn’t much of a cause for concern

And he doesn’t stress over it because, hey, they managed to beat them up, so she’s probably already stronger & better at fighting than most

Sprinkle in some extra prep & tips from a skilled stalker/killer?

Whew, boy knows his precious little s/o will become a force to be reckoned with

And he’s damn proud of it, too

Ticci Toby

Boy sees shit going down & immediately rushes over to knock the other person tf out

He acts on impulse cause not only is that what he’s used to doing—but also how dare someone even think of harming his perfectly adorable little s/o??

He has to stop himself from chopping them up right then & there

The only thing stopping him is his s/o, who he doesn’t wanna end up traumatizing :/

Like BEN and EJ, he asks a shit ton of questions while frantically looking her over for any kind of injuries

“Oh my f-fucking God, are you alright?! What ha—what happened?! Jesus, (y/n), y-you know I love you—I love you so fucking much, right!? Holy shit, you—you fucking kicked ass!!”

She earns the biggest bone-crushing hug ever combined with an excited squee! when she explains where she learned moves like that

He’s so damn proud that he has to resist smothering her in countless bouts of affection

Definitely finds some kind of way to celebrate later on that evening :3

And it’s only after his initial rush of joy that he realizes it could’ve ended badly

He’s lost a lot of people throughout his life & he doesn’t want the same thing happening to his s/o, so he’d ask around for advice on how to protect them better

He ends up teaching them more self defence stuff while also watching them a lil more closely too

But he’s sO damn proud, it honestly gives him a happy high for a good few days ngl <33

It’s like he’s your hero!!

The thought alone motivates him to keep treating you better because you really are one in a million uwu

[lovieebby]

I've been really wanting to request a personal one about henry and a college aged reader. (I'm so shy I don't wanna give my name 🥺) But, she's stressed tf out because of rigorous math classes. Henry sees her studying after a super long time and gets her to stop for the day. Henry would like comfort her with some soft sex and praise that she's doing great. I need something like this rn 😭

Oh baby that’s perfectly fine!

Warnings: smut smut smut and slight daddy kink??

& i rlly didn’t think i’d go this hard but here we are! Enjoy my sluts 💋

Henry had watched you from the doorway of the shred office. He saw your cute little tongue stick out as your brows furrowed with worry. You whined lowly when you second guessed yourself on a question you truly knew, but stumbled as you grew tired.

“Baby girl,” Henry sighed softly, concerned for your pretty little head of too much stress and worry, “You want to take a break for the night and come watch a movie?”

Henry’s question wasn’t anything but a demand, you knew that deeply but you wiggled in your seat with a groan.

“Henry I can’t, I— I have to finish these questions.” Your excuse ended in a drawn whine, your eyelids heavy and mind bouncing.

“A short break will do you good.” He said, uncrossing his big arms and walking into the room, closing your laptop that had been long forgotten and took the pencil from your hand.

You frowned but nodded in agreement, maybe a break would be good for you. Just a small one.

Henry waited until you got up from the chair and exited the room, making sure you weren’t going to stray behind him. He quickly walked in front of you, his hands grazing your sides making you shiver. You got into the living room as Henry sat in his big chair with a loud groan.

“Come here baby. Come sit on my lap.” He spoke within his groan, a soft welcoming smile as he patted his knee.

You looked between his thighs and opening legs as he got comfortable in his large recliner chair. You didn’t need to think twice before you crawled in his lap and rested your back between his side and bicep. Henry played the movie, you mindlessly watching as you worried over your up coming mathematic test. You fidgeted on his lap, your bottom rubbing sweetly on his thighs, legs swinging open as you bent them in Henry’s lap.

Henry didn’t bother to watch the movie while you legs opened, knees knocking as you chewed on your thumb nail and watched the movie. He smirked as your pussy winked at him through your thin panties, a small wet spot becoming thicker when he elevated his hips up to resituate his swelling cock. He waited until your legs opened once more before placing his fingers on the damp spot of your peachy colored panties.

Your head snapped out of your day dream when Henry’s fingers made contact with your pussy, his thick and long fingers hooking under the fabric and pushing it aside for his viewing. You watched his taut arm push his fingers in as his face deepened into a lustful dark look.

“My poor baby’s been so stressed over school huh? You poor little thing.” He pouted, fingers pulling out of you soaked as you breathed an airy whine.

He spread his two fingers over your clit as he hummed in satisfaction. He tsked his lips before pushing back in, a curt peep of pleasure slipped from your throat. The way Henry spoke had you eager to please, let him touch you any way he wanted and let his soft words wrap around you in a tight hold.

You ground down on his thick fingers, lip tucked under your teeth as you danced on him. Your hips pushed and pulled, doing all Henry’s work as he sat with a smirk, watching you desperately chase your release. You smelt tangy and sweet with a hint of deep musk and it drove Henry into a frenzy, his chest heavy with shallow breaths with encouraging words.

“Atta girl princess. Get all your frustration out. It’s all yours.” Henry moaned at the sight, one hand pushing on his shoulder and the other grasped his wrist while you shifted your hips up.

“Henry I want— I need—!” You stuttered, his fingers skilled but not enough, your eyes drifted to his bulging cock as Henry urged you to come. “No! Your cock! Please, I need more.”

“Go get it baby, I’m all yours.” He laughed at your eagerness while you bounced off his fingers and yanked his black sweats down.

You easily pulled his abnormally large cock out, heavy and pulsing in your small hand. You faced Henry completely as you desperately sat roughly on his cock, making him groan in discomfort of the landing but loving your soft, silk like walls. Your hips moved quickly, bouncing and thrusting as you whined and withered from Henry’s cockhead tapping roughly on your cervix. But the pain brought more pleasure the more you took and took.

“Y/n— princess. This isn’t a race.” He reminded you, his hands gripping your hips to slow you.

You whined as you tried to pick your hips up, you had been so close and your big burly man ruined it, but Henry’s strong grip forced you down which made you breathless.

“Slow down baby.”

“You-you said—“ You started, ready to cry from the throbbing of your pussy squelching around his thick girth.

“I know what I said.” He sternly snapped, his brow raising defensively as his head tilted down, “Take it slow.”

His voice was curt and strong as he thrusted deeply into your pussy, you rising with his wide thighs when he went no where but lifting you up. You gasped at the pressure, his warm heavy cock flexing sweetly as it seated perfectly in your soft canal. You bit your lip and watched Henry as you rode his cock slow, your mouth opening in a moan as his did, your hands reaching for anything Henry while his pushed and pulled your skin in a rhythmic sway.

“Look at you, such a good girl- Listening to her daddy so nicely. Fucking good girl.” He grunted, his legs planted firmly on the carpet as his legs flexed at your every whimper, moan and pant.

You drank his words up as he lifted your shirt and tucking the rolled hem in your drooling mouth. He suckled on the skin of your breasts before licking to your nipples as you thrusted weakly, hands bracing you back ontop of his thighs.

Your pussy clenched tight around Henry’s girth in a sudden, much needed, orgasm. Your hips loosing  rhythm while your eyes rolled to the back of your head, but Henry’s thrusts picking up where you left off, making sure your release was drawn out and well off. He watched as your thighs quivered as your sweet pussy came in spurts over his lap, a breath chuckle leaving his parted lips with a smirk.

“Fuck- fuck!” Henry gasped, his cock jerking into deeply before he painted your walls in a pungent white mark of him. His own chest withered and hallowed as you fell completely into his meaty chest.

You stayed in that chair for a long while, your ear pressed to Henry’s covered heart as Henry drew mindless patterns on your soft back. With eyes both closed he kissed your heated cheeks while you dozed and completely forgot about your studies.

Yo wtf just happened 🥵😰

Nonny, you got me fucked up 🥴

[marveloussupernerd]

Please Just... Comfort Me - 707

YA GIRL is playing another story for the first time and I’m on the day 4 branch and I’m getting V’s route and... it’s so dramatic!? I need a fic written abt it right tf now. Also yes I’m making this happen during V’s route but be about 707 leave me alone

Warnings: spoilers for V’s route

Summary: after an insane turn of events at your ceremony, you’re locked back in your room. You’re distressed. V won’t answer, Ray is gone... you can’t tell him anything, but at least Seven would make you feel better

Ray led you back to your room, hand gently holding your arm to make sure you wouldn’t run off, not that you would, it didn’t go well the first time.

He opened the door to your room, leading you in. “I’m so sorry to ask this of you, but will you be okay with staying in your room for a little? I promise I’ll visit right after I talk with the Savior. I just need to know you won’t go anywhere.”

How were you supposed to answer that? He had lied to you. About everything. Your mind was racing with these chatrooms that were with actual people, the fact he wanted you to spy on them, the strange origin of this “place,” the last thing you wanted was to be locked in a small room. But you had now seen Ray upset and it was unpleasant.

You nodded, biting your lip as though that would help stop your eyes watering. “Mhm,” you hummed, unable to form words.

“You’re crying...” his hand went up to wipe your tears but he decided against it, putting it back down by his side. “Please don’t cry. I promise everything will be okay.”

“Okay,” you nodded, sniffling a little. “I’ll be here.” You moved to sit on your bed as he let out a sigh of relief, smiling as he left the room, a lock sounding on the door.

Now you were locked in here.

You didn’t want to be on this bed. You sat on the floor, in a corner, the moon and starlight being the only thing illuminating the room. What else were you going to do in this situation? You pulled out your phone and called V.

He didn’t answer. That made sense, since he was on the run.

You called Seven. He should be up right now.

He picked up on the second ring. “Hello! What can I do for ya at this hour?”

You sniffled. You should have stopped your crying before you called. “Just wanted to say hi...”

“You’re crying.”

You let out a laugh, the sound strangled as it mixed with your sobs. He wasn’t wrong. “I’m aware of that.”

“You wanna tell me what’s wrong?” You could hear his chair squeak as he leaned back in it.

“I... can’t. You know I can’t.” Your voice was small as you spoke. There was no reason he had to talk to you. How could he comfort you if you wouldn’t even explain why you were upset? “This was dumb, I’m so sorry.”

“No no! It’s okay. I know you’re in a weird situation where you can’t say much.”

“I’m not a bad person Seven,” you whimpered. “I know your background checks have come up empty and everything is secret but I promise I’m not bad.”

“I can tell you’re not bad. Plus, V says you’re good, and I want to trust him.”

“I just- ughhh. This is all so much bigger than me. And I just realized it. I’m overwhelmed.” You let your head fall against the wall in defeat.

“Eating always makes me feel better. Or sleeping. That way you’re distracted.”

“I...” you paused, hesitantly. It was weird now. You thought you were pursuing an AI, but you had actually been pursuing a real human being with fiery hair and stupid jokes that never failed to make you laugh. “Do you think you can comfort me?”

“Oh boy,” he sounded nervous. “I’ll try. No, no, I’ll succeed. God Seven to the rescue!”

You chuckled. He was always good at making you laugh.

“I like your laugh. Makes me less nervous about having to cheer you up. Hmmm what should I talk about?”

“You have any fun stories?” You asked, slumping back on the wall more, tears forgotten.

“Do you like the beach?”

An odd question. “I do like the beach.”

“I dunno when you first went to the beach, but I didn’t go until I was older. I almost think everyone’s first trip to the beach should be when they’re older, so they can really remember it.”

“What was it like for you then?”

Seven laughed. “I remember I saw the sand, then took off my shoes and sprinted over to it. I had never been in the sand before. And it stuck all over my feet but I was excited. I was fully dressed besides my shoes, and I just full out sprinted to the water.”

“That’s honestly adorable.”

“And then I stood there, right where the waves met the shore. Even though I was old it was kind of scary? Like if the waves were strong enough they could definitely pull me under. But also I was only in to my ankles so it was funny I was nervous.”

“Seven... this is so cute,” you gushed. You knew your cheeks were heating up. Seven was always fun but it was special to hear him talk about such an important memory.

“Anyways. I only got in to my ankles that day. The sun was setting when I got there. The next day I went back and actually got in.”

“Aw! I wanna see little Seven at the ocean.”

“I was actually not little; I was about to enter college,” he commented matter-of-factly.

You just grinned. You couldn’t stop smiling. That was so Seven.

“You’re silent.”

Oops! You had forgotten to respond. “I’m just- that was a sweet story. It made me smile and it’s just so you. This sounds dumb but like... you’re you. You have complex thoughts and funny stories and cute moments. It’s hard since I’ve only talked to you over the phone. But you’re so... dimensional and bright Seven. I really like that about you.” He was real. And that’s what mattered. Seven was real.

He laughed. “I’m flattered to hear you think I have emotions? I would hope I did! Are you feeling any better?”

“So, so much better.” It was the truth. You were giggling over the phone, much more confident that V and Seven would save you and it would be okay.

A knock sounded at your door.

“Oops! I kept you on for too long. Good night Sev!”

“Good night! Hope you sleep well.”

Click.

Ray walked into the room, somewhat surprised to see you at the entrance. “I would have thought you had fallen asleep,” he explained awkwardly. “The lights were off. But you were laughing.”

“Oh, yeah. I was just, uh, playing the game.”

“Were you making a call?”

You nodded, trying to feign complete innocence. “I was talking to the hacker character.”

He stared at you blankly, his expressions not giving any thoughts away.

“Wait! I thought you meant V was the only real one. It made sense to me since you couldn’t pursue V in the game. I didn’t realize he also...”

Of course you realized. But you had to satisfy Ray.

He sighed, rubbing his temple. “Yes, but he’s the worst of them all. Did you tell him about tonight? What did you talk about?”

“Oh, no, I would never let them know what happened here. That’s our secret.” You giggled a little. “We actually just talked about the beach.”

“The beach?”

“Yeah. I was feeling stressed and it was the first topic that came to mind. Do you like the beach, Ray?”

He looked away from you. “I’ve... never been.”

“We’ll have to go someday! Or make a beach experience here. You’d really like it.”

“Okay,” he smiled. “We’ll do that after the ceremony. Thank you again for staying here with me. I promise I’ll bring you a fresh bouquet tomorrow.

Stay on his side for now, you reminded yourself. You took a step closer to him, hands trembling, and pulled him in for a hug. He jumped at first but reciprocated.

“I haven’t done this very much,” he explained awkwardly. One of his hands went down to rub your back comfortingly.

“Ray... I was scared.” That wasn’t a lie. You were scared. You still are.

“I know. Me too.” He pulled back to look at you. “Do you want some tea to help you fall asleep?”

V’s words rang in your mind. Don’t take anything they give you. “No thanks! Your presence... really helped. Thank you.”

“Okay. I’ll leave you to get some rest. Sweet dreams! And don’t worry about those other people. I’ll take care of it!” He closed the door behind him.

You would worry about those other people. You were relieved you got to talk to Seven, but you were worried about any more secrets Ray had against him that he could use in order to force you to stay here.

[toukenramblings]

Dating Headcanons: Buzen Gou, Matsui Gou, Samidare Gou

There isn’t enough fanart of Samidare, this is a crime. How dare.

Anyway it’s about time I finally got to this! I’m really nervous about writing for the Gou boys and I won’t lie that I looked to @sword-brainrot​‘s headcanons for Buzen and Matsui for help and I do hope that I’m not like...ripping anything off. I’m sorry if I am! I’ll do my best though!

Warnings: Blood since ya know...Matsui is Matsui.

Buzen Gou

Bu-chan no doubt is a man who is very ticklish. He’s already pretty physically affectionate with you before the relationship, giving you sideways hugs when asked and as you two grow to be more comfy with each other, it leads to lil tickle fights. No im not say that you two during confessed during the tickle fight tf

But if you are also a morning person and often see Buzen running, he will happily ask of you to join him! You two will do all kinds of exercise routines together and sure he’ll slow down to accommodate your pace until it’s him at a brisk jog and you are at a full run because hOLY HELL ARE HIS LEGS GOOD.  

Buzen won’t notice his feelings for you for a while, not until someone comments on it. Most likely will be his brothers though, who will notice that he will often slows down to a grinding halt when around you during his runs, sometimes just walking by your side in a comfortable silence instead of dashing on ahead.

Buzen will hesitate to confess, but if he did, it will be something along the lines of: “Slowing down is rather difficult for me. But it’s wonderful to do so. Just being by your side, existing in the same space, taking in the sights around us. It’s beautiful. But my heart...” he would place a hand on his chest, right over that organ, “Is always running faster than I could ever catch up with whenever I’m with you. I think...I think I’m in love with you.”

The minute you return his affections, this man is over the moon! He is ecstatic! He wraps you in his arms, presses kisses to your face, all of the love he had been storing away finally coming to surface. All of the kisses, all of the hugs, all of the hand holding!

Daily runs with you are still going to be a thing. Now though they turn into morning and evening rituals. In the morning you two go on a brisk jog to start the day and in the evening you two will go on a small walk in the forest, holding hands and talking about your day before stopping back at your rooms and giving each other a lil peck of a kiss before you two go to bed.

There is no doubt that Buzen is an early riser and he can cook��kind of. It’s probably simple things like toast and butter for the carbs and nothing too complicated. It’s decent and it’s obvious that he cares. But Buzen does begin packing snacks for his runs, a lil energy bar for him and you!

There are times when Buzen wants to slow down, that’s when he’ll seek you out. Wherever you are, he will find you with a gentle smile pressed upon his lips, wrapping his arms around you and inhaling your scent. Will put his head in your lap or make you put your head in his lap. Whatever works! Lap pillows all around. Buzen will want you to slow down as well, take in the time you two share. Who knows when it will end, huh? Don’t be surprised for Buzen to whisk you away when you’re stressed and have too much to do. He’ll take you out for a lil walk to clear your head, holding hands all the time.

The rest of his siblings are not so subtly screaming about wedding bells behind both of your backs.

 Cuddle bear? Cuddle bear.  In public his PDA is rather sporadic, depending on how he feels. Don’t think that he doesn’t love you or anything, but it ebbs and flows with how he feels at the time. Sometimes he’ll wrap an arm around you, a cheek kiss, holding hands, and sometimes it’ll be silence and then all of a sudden a random kiss outta nowhere in front of his brothers. Of course he is very respectful of your space too, and most of the time it’s just hand holding and hand kisses.

Back to the ticklish Buzen, Buzen is rather ticklish so he will almost scream if you have cold hands against his warmer skin. It will turn into a tickling match if you try to tickle him though. So tickle him at your own will.

Oh dude he loves picking you up randomly, princess carries are his specialty. Piggy back rides, whatever! He just wants an excuse you carry you!!!! Just to be close to you!!

Buzen adores homemade things, and will most likely have something of yours to hold on to during missions. It gives him a bit of a sense of home, because it’s not a physical place, you are his home. If you made him something to take on to missions he’ll cherish it with all of his heart. In turn, this extends to you as well. He is pretty good with his hands, can sew and knit a little bit as he picked it up probably from the other swords around the citadel. Will make small little trinkets for you and the best thing he can do is a scarf. A rather…messy scarf but warm none the less.

Yeah Buzen will sometimes take off his shirt during his runs just to tease you, winking his eye as you flush.

Will also adore horseback riding with you!!! Horses are fast after all and he probs raced against one but like, just hanging on to him intimately as you two have a day to yourselves?? Best.

Matsui Gou

It…takes a long time to get a relationship with Matsui. It’s slow, full of ups and downs, pains and sorrows yet happiness. Matsui doesn’t speak of his feelings often and doesn’t show them. On the outside it is a calm sort of façade, keeping you at an arm’s length. He does not dare to let you into his mind, oh so full of blood and sin. Even the idea of being near you scares him.

One day you had wiped his nose clean from the crimson that dripped from it, and Matsui was almost ready to faint at the close proximity. Heart hammering in his chest. A part of him wants to run, and he almost does. At the edge of his chair, muscles screaming at him to flee. But there is another part of him that just…wants to be closer. He kept those feelings silent and dormant for so long, hesitant to let anyone in. Why would he when all he is good at is being a weapon? To spill the blood of the enemy? It hurts to be around you, it almost makes him cry.

 It’s going to take a long time before he even tries to open up to you, and when you do confess, Matsui almost thinks it’s some kind of cruel joke. It’s not that he doubts you, it’s fate that is just so cruel to him. Why would you love him? Who set you up to this? Was it his brothers? Matsui will ask for time for his answer, mulling over it for quite a while, going on expeditions to be away from you in order to get his head sorted out.

When he does return your affections and confession, his hands will shake, never daring to look at you and whispering something that is oh so faint, “I…you know as well as I do that I do not deserve you, master. I am a weapon, we all are. In hindsight, it is forbidden to enter a relationship with us. We are killers, we ruin the lives of people. But…I do not want to leave your side. I want to stay with you…if you will have me?” and there may be tears pricking at the edge of his eyes. Hug him, give him a kiss, PLEASE.

Matsui is the most selfless of lovers. He knows heartbreak can happen in a relationship and will not mind if you leave him, even if the thought terrifies him. He is oh so willing to do anything and everything for you! In his own little ways of course. It might just be as simple as waking you up in the morning or helping you sort paperwork or just existing by your side. As long as he can be with you and breathe the same air as you, he is happy.

Matsui is not the biggest on PDA. If he does want it/if you want to initiate it, there’s always some sort of ask. “May I hold your hand?” “May I kiss you?” “May I sit beside you?” Matsui is a man that respects boundaries and has some of his own. It will take a while for him to become comfy with the idea of a relationship and PDA. He is trying his best after all, and sometime he is a little distant. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t care for you, he’s just having trouble sorting out why the hell you love him so much?????

 Like Buzen, Matsui also has a fondness for little homemade things. If you make him something, Matsui might start sobbing right then and there. You care about him so much? He doesn’t understand it! Hug him please, rub his back and soothe him. Matsui does enjoy shopping and will most likely find some kind of item at a store for you to hang on to while he’s away! During missions he will not let this little trinket of yours leave his side – Gods save the one who breaks it/steals it.

Be very patient as you are patching up Matsui. He may flinch at your touch every now and then before melting into it, cheeks flushed and sometimes trying to not show you how it affects him like this. He will also hold your hand during his repairs.

 If you have some sort of skincare routine or into fashion, expect Matsui to watch you in utter awe. He will pick up some magazines about such things and will accompany you will you shop. You two will have a shopping date together and it’s sweet! He loves pampering you and being pampered in return! He isn’t a wasteful spender though, having a bit of a budget. But sometimes he can’t help it spending a lilll bit over it just to spoil you though!

Getting him spontaneous gifts makes him bury his face in his hands, trying to hide his flushing face and nosebleed. Kiss his cheek and take care of him during this time, sweetie! He’ll appreciate it!

Matsui also values nutrition so don’t be surprised if you see him and Kuwana in the kitchen or Matsui with any other sword that knows how to cook. Matsui can cook, kind of, but he will want to watch your health. He makes rather simple healthy meals whenever he can, giving them to you. Reads all about human nutrition and knows exactly what to make/ask for from Kuwana to help give you a boost in energy or to fulfill your hunger.

The day Matsui holds your hand out of his own volition in public is a sweet one, his cheeks flushed and fingers lacing with yours, squeezing it tightly as though you will disappear. Reward him with a kiss and watch the blood drip from his nose from pure excitement…and maybe pass the fuck out.

It’s no secret that Matsui is a very private person. He won’t talk much about his life and it’ll take a long time for you to get past the hints or the lil self-depreciating jabs he makes at himself. All he asks is that you are there for him, be an ear for him to talk to.

Matsui is also the kind of person who leaves behind little notes for you while you’re busy to cheer you up. Simple little things signed by him with a lil snack or something, left outside of your office when he knows you’re swamped with work. He is almost sporadic with these sorts of instances.

Matsui has nightmares a lot and loves it when you run a hand through his hair, lulling him to sleep. It’s one of the few times he can sleep properly.

Samidare Gou

Samidare is nothing short of loyal. He is a ‘dog’ after all, and his loyalty towards you will never waver. He’s not Hasebe levels but more so of a quiet observer. There are times when he is there watching over you in silence, like a ninja yes, but then there are times when you surprise him by calling him out. He will jolt and ask what it is you will need but will slowly come to seek out your presence. It brings him a sense of comfort, and who knows, he kinda looks like a puppy trailing after you after all.

It’s probably someone (be it his brothers or someone else close to you) that notices Samidare’s habits. The way he lights up whenever you are around, one could almost see the slowly-hurried wagging of an invisible tail behind him.  They will confront him about this and Samidare almost has a lightbulb form over his head. He will stop for a moment, sitting down, head in his hands as he ponders over this new revelation. You do make him happy after all and again he does follow you around like a puppy…but it’s almost different? His heart races when he’s around you, for the better. He wants to hide in the shadows but does not, to bask in your light.

And then one day you suddenly start noticing these little poems at your office desk, in an envelope with a wax seal of no one’s crest, as though someone had used your personal belongings to make it. You can see that your drawers had been slightly rummaged through and you were ready to see who the hell it was but when you open the letter it’s a haiku??? Of love??? Who the hell?????? And then the letters will not stop coming over the next few days.

You immediately begin to file down the suspects: Kasen, Izuminokami, Mitsutada? Who else could be into poetry like this? Of course there is someone around the citadel who can’t keep his damn mouth shut and you eventually pry the information out of them. So you immediately go and make your own poem to confess back and dash over to Samidare. When he sees that you figured him out, his cheeks go full red and there is a mumble under his breath, you can see his hands shaki- is that another letter in his hands? “Yes…I did indeed make those letters for you. I do not know if you…will return my feelings but, I wanted to tell you that you are important to me. There are not enough poems in the world to tell you how I feel or…or well…do forgive me if you do not return my feelings.” And then you pass your own poem to him, his face practically goes even redder as he reads it. Pull him into a kiss right then and there, do it, do it for me. Make him flush even more red, make him pass the fuck out.

Samidare is rather neutral with PDA. He won’t mind it in front of others but will absolutely go red if you initiate it. He won’t initiate it often unless you two are in private. Only then will he turn into a big ol cuddle bug.

Head pats. He almost preens whenever you give him a head pat. He will lean into every touch you grace him with, whining and whimpering whenever you leave him. Samidare is also very much into neck and shoulder kisses, so don’t be surprised if he comes up behind you silently (you can always tell its him though, no one else closes in on you like that with such gentleness) and gives you kisses on your skin when you two are alone.

Samidare adores spending time with you, so you two make it almost a habit of going for a daily walk in the forest or out in the city/town. He adores exploring and finding new places to spend his time with, and since becoming your romantic partner, the enjoyment has only tripled! He just has to hold your hand during these times too!

Murakumo may be a bit jealous of how close Samidare is with you, but when he sees how happy you make Samidare, he relents. He knows that you would never hurt him and besides, all of the Gou family approves of the relationship! As long as Samidare is happy, Murokumo will be happy! Will be subtly planning your wedding when you two aren’t looking.

Samidare does get a bit jealous at times as well. He isn’t the type to be angry or anything, and he’s a bit of a sulky person when he’s jealous, like a big ol puppy. He’ll try not to show it though. It’s kind of obvious when you two are along and he just clings to you like no tomorrow.

Samidare is also rather quiet, and is more than willing to sneak up on you. Though after you two got into a relationship, he has become much more in tune with you if you’re a jumpy sort of person. He doesn’t want to alarm you! So when he is going to sneak up on you to give you a hug, he’ll normally whisper in a calm voice, “I’m here.” And wait for you to come to him. You can just lean back into his embrace and he’ll catch you!

If you think Hasebe or Tomoe are super in tune with your schedule, you haven’t met Samidare. Samidare always seems to know the right time to pop into your study and get your mind off of things. He’ll find his way into your office through door or window, with a snack in tow or just a hug.

Lap pillows. Oh man he loves laying his head on your lap and letting you run your fingers through is purple hair. Dude it’s the bEST. He falls asleep right then and there. If you ask for a lap pillow, Samidare will happily return the favor! Also will switch up being the spoon in bed. Big spoon? Little spoon? Who cares?! As long as you two are together, hugging it out, comfortable in each other’s presence, he is happy!

There is no doubt that this man is protective of you. The citadel is fine, everyone is able to kick some ass and none will dispute your authority but outside of the citadel? With strangers???? No fam, you are going to stay safe and protected, he’ll fight the world for you.

Also adores puppies! He loves animals and if you take him to like an animal café or the zoo, you’ll lose him within the first few steps into the damn place. Of course he’ll always come running back to you. No worries! He’ll find his way back!

Don’t think the poems are going to stop when you two are beginning to date. Oh no! In fact every morning you wake up with a poem. It could be one already written by a famous poet, or one that Samidare makes up on the fly, inspiration coming from just gazing at you. He will also deliver poems to you to cheer you up. In fact, the poem you wrote your confession on is always kept in his pocket whenever he’s out on a mission or something. It’s his good luck charm! You could have an entire little album of poems he’s written for you at this rate.

[onyourzeus]

• stress-free | kwp

ykcyj ➝ arskyh

title: stress-free pairing: kim wonpil (of day6) & you (she/her pronouns) genre: FLUFF, college!au words: 3.4k

author’s note: @pirimiritiddy​ requested a fic about wonpil, and here it is. it went on for longer than i previously planned, buuuuut. i hope it’s still okay aaaa 

(this is the 1st time i’ve written something for wonpil so if i get his personality wrong, i do apologize. i am also a baby myday huhu)

this dot fic (bullet style) is part of the falling asleep on the bus scenario that i intend to write for each day6 member. check out the others: dowoon (currently only 2/5 completed)

any requests? check my pinned post if i’m accepting any at the moment, thanks!

wonpil hates his schedule for this winter term 

who assigns a class that is only available at seven in the evening??

3 times a week

during THE WINTER

did he mention it’s a major lecture he’s required to take?? 

psychology of stress, more like

this class is giving him the kind of stress it is specifically warning its students about 

anyway, what can he say. he chose this major, there’s only 1 more term after this one and then finally: graduation

it’ll be fine, he’ll live

thank the heavens they didn’t need to attend the first two meetings, but some reading material was provided 

and was expected by the professor to have been read and reflected upon 

the class is really living up to its name because when wonpil opened the pdf 

it was 30 pages of tiny font sized sentences (for ants!) about the definition of stress and how it affects every part of the body yada yada yada

wonpil tried. he really tried 

that is to say he fell asleep on his desk while going over the same 20th page of the document 

if it weren’t for jae shaking him awake, he’d miss his first night class 

it would’ve been nice… if only the professor didn’t take attendance (something about being generous enough to make the first 2 classes “free,” so everyone has an obligation to come in for the remainder of the semester)

great, he’s stuck freezing his ass off just walking to the bus stop alone 

hopefully they turn the heater all the way up in the auditorium or else

the thousands spent in tuition would have literally been for nothing

overdramatic wonpil, can you blame him 

he thinks about reading the remaining 10 pages on the bus, even if he knows nothing of value will be absorbed

he wants to tries anyway, he does feel a little bit refreshed from that impromptu nap 

the bus has arrived, and it’s packed as usual; a lot of the students riding the shuttle are just yet to take off in the following stops

wonpil squeezes his way inside, 30 pages of stress psychology research gripped in both hands 

“excuse me, sorry,” wonpil mumbles, eyeing for a spot to sit to make him comfortable 

because once all the people standing up leave, it’s usually a race for the exit 

he’ll never understand college students

finally, he sees an empty seat way in the back. there was a girl on one end and two other students who seem to be ready to get off on the right side

wonpil doesn’t mind sitting next to someone, but once those 2 are gone he’ll just scoot over to give the girl on the left some privacy 

she seems very much in deep sleep anyway, wonpil wonders if her stop is coming or she’s riding to go to campus? 

wonpil doesn’t have time to think about other people, it causes him unnecessary stress

once sat down, his eyes focus on the last page he left off of 

the words register as gibberish in his brain, and with the bus moving so much it makes it even more difficult to follow along the paragraphs

wonpil takes in a deep breath, holds it in, and sighs very heavily 

his patience is usually the best out of his friends, but this class is turning more and more into the psychology of how to get you stressed tf out instead 

the bus nears its next stop, and the two people on his side stand up to leave, yes he can breathe normal air

however

hold on

his shoulder feels heavy 

turning his head slightly, for some reason once the bus had stopped its engine the girl’s head had flipped over to lean against wonpil’s shoulder instead 

oh no oh no oh no 

his shoulders suddenly freeze, as if blasted with a ray gun filled with ice 

it’s heavy and he can’t move, it’s numb and this girl’s hair is splayed all over his his sweater 

and she

she smells of coffee, and wonpil inhales it in

it’s not foul or anything, but it’s definitely exuding notes of espresso bean and freshly roasted coffee 

it makes wonpil feel a little more awake 

but he still can’t move his shoulders, and suddenly he’s panicking because the bus started moving again and even though capacity has lessened by 80%

someone decided to sit on the other end of the row he’s at

so if he even attempts to move, he’ll still be seated next to someone 

wonpil grumbles, lower lip jutting forward

something shifts

and he realizes he shook his shoulders a little bit with his frustration

“ah…” he exclaims inaudibly, panicking at the possibility that he had woken her up from her nap

wonpil tenses up, shoulders stiff and eyes peering at his side to see what she’s up to

she lifts her head just a few inches off of wonpil’s shoulder, and for a moment he’s relieved that maybe she realizes what’s going on

but wonpil only hears a soft yawn coming from her, and she returns to using his very rigid shoulder as her pillow during this bus ride

let’s just say that the next thirteen minutes was more stress-inducing than wonpil wanted it to be

right when the bus reaches the final stop (main campus), wonpil exerts any and all efforts he has to shake his shoulder, up and down, enough to elicit an awake response from this stranger 

the moment he feels her let up, wonpil dashes through that bus door like there’s no tomorrow

he is greeted with the coldest wind hitting his face, and his shoulder feeling numb from all the.. pillow roleplaying it did, if you will 

wonpil feels bad, borderline guilty for leaving her like that— what if she’s asleep until now?? he can almost hear soft snores from her end for a minute there, too, and it took so much of wonpil to resist chuckling at it while in panic mode simultaneously

suffice to say, he was not able to read the rest of the document

in wonpil’s defense, he had encountered it first hand — how stress overcomes one’s body and mind 

he forces himself to focus on what’s ahead, as boring as it sounds

he enters the lecture hall with a few minutes so spare, deciding to sit in the back

the projector screens are big and wonpil is not about to take his chances of getting called on today

luckily enough, he finds a row with visibly no other student sitting around the area 

shoulder feeling more alive, he comes back to his senses as well 

he takes off his outer sweater as it had become toastier inside. he still had a couple layers beneath his clothes

as the professor starts talking, wonpil finds himself yawning a few times

he doesn’t know if the video playing on screen is boring him or the girl in the bus affected his sleepiness

suddenly he remembers the smell of coffee, and how that’d sound real good right about now 

he slaps both of his cheeks lightly, trying to take him back in the zone of at least writing down important notes 

he’s on the fifth bullet point of his note-taking when the door behind him opens abruptly

it wasn’t loud or disrupting to the whole class, virtually no one even batted an eye

but thats because they’re far from the door

and wonpil is literally ten feet away, so when he feels the cold suddenly hit his back he had to know the source of the sudden hit in temperature

the class hadn’t been going on for less than an hour, and there have been students coming in on the other end of the auditorium

so wonpil isn’t that surprised that another student has just arrived 

he caught a glimpse of her hair, but that’s about it as wonpil goes back to his tedious notes 

until the very same person scoots herself in wonpil’s row

he huffs under his breath, the illusion of some privacy now shattered 

with a polite (semi-forced) smile, wonpil turns to the side to greet his classmate

again, wonpil becomes frozen in spot 

kind of like when you feel a magnetic pull somewhere, you follow it

and then suddenly you see it from afar, not believing your eyes if it’s actually real; if it’s actually there

in wonpil’s case, he’s one seat away from her

recognizing the flow of her hair, but more importantly

that distinct scent of coffee beans from her clothes 

this time, wonpil has a clear look on her face and he’s… speechless 

his polite smile has turned into a look of awe, eyes glued towards her 

she senses his gaze, turns to him and quickly bows down as a polite greeting 

“sorry, but has the class been going on for a while?” 

she speaks 

“oh, um, what— what?” 

“oh,” she looks confused, but rephrases her question, “what time did the class start? i had a hard time finding this lecture hall.” 

she’s talking to him, not just leaning her head on his shoulder

“seven” 

was all wonpil could say 

“it started at 7? cool, i’m not that late then!” she cheers, grinning shyly. wonpil watches the way she puts a strand of hair tucked beneath her ear. she’s pulling out her laptop from her bag when she notices a pair of wide eyes still on her person

“is… is this seat taken?” she asks, and wonpil hasn’t even taken in the fact that this is the same person from the bus 

“yes” 

tongue-tied wonpil strikes again, blinking back his own obliviousness to her question

“i mean— no, now it is, by you. you’re sitting there, um, i— feel free to sit wherever you want”

he’s scrambling for his words, flustered cheeks heating up amidst the warmth of the room

she just nods her head in understanding, and wonpil finally realizes he’s been staring at her direction for longer than he should have

“STRESS” 

the professor verbalized into her mic which causes wonpil to look to the front all of a sudden 

right, right. he’s at a lecture. what’s gotten him so fidgety and embarrassed and now all that he’s pretending to type on his google doc is

sdfjfjdfhshllsghgjghsh

just so he looks busy next to the girl who fell asleep on him on the bus

was there any point in preoccupying his mind with thoughts of her, and her head resting on him? no it’s stupid, wonpil knows this. 

people do it all the time, by accident, due to exhaustion, they don’t mean a thing by it

but wonpil is curious, and this is going to kill him. for sure

so he peeks at her again, and like a normal, decent student that she is (compared to wonpil at this point let’s be real) her hands are busy hand writing whatever the professor was saying

meanwhile, wonpil continues to sdfjskgnglddfjs his way to a passing B in this class

even in this large, spacious lecture hall he can still take in her scent

maybe it’s a new perfume that’s up and coming, that’s why it smells so strongly on her

oh! he can ask that? hey, do you mind sharing what line of perfume you’re using? it smells really good

it sounds like a common question, right? i mean if you wear strong fragrances you’re bound to be asked a question about it

he’s about to ask, he really was so ready to ask, what was he gonna lose? his dignity? 

over a simple, inquisitive question? 

“and now before we go on a twenty minute break, it’s time to introduce yourself to the person sitting close to you”

...

why do college professors have to do this? 

wonpil bites his lip, at this point in time he’s a senior who’s fed up with ice breakers like this. if it were any other person sitting next to him, in front of him, behind him— he would just go with his usual introduction

“hi i’m kim wonpil, studying psychology and i graduate in the spring. i’m taking this class for a major requirement” 

then go about his merry way.

but with her? she and him have history

sort of, and it’s the kind of history that is recent and wonpil is unsure if she is even aware of the weird string of fate-like connection they have 

or, wonpil, hear your consciousness out

it’s not a big deal, and in the scenario she doesn’t remember she fell asleep on the bus on another person

then you can just say hi like usual, and cut the string of fate there and then

(but does wonpil really want that?)

“hi”

oh crap she’s started it 

wonpil braces himself for whatever outcome this interaction comes out to. he’ll let her speak, and tailor his response from there

“i’m sorry, this might be really weird but that’s your sweater, right?” 

so she didn’t give her name, her major, anything substantial about herself but instead shoots wonpil a question

pointing at the sweater that’s draped on the seat in front of wonpil

wonpil doesn’t even check to look. he gulps, nods his head and squeaks, “yeah… why?” 

something in her eyes flash by, almost like a glint of recognition

she puts a hand on her mouth, and wonpil can make out the faintest shade of pink blushing its way to her ears

it’s kinda cute

“did someone happen to… fall asleep on you on the bus coming to campus today?” 

“... yes?” 

“that was me” she buries her face even further into her hands, almost lowering down to the chair 

wonpil thought she was gonna fall for some reason so he had to remedy the situation somewhat

“i.. i, um, did you have a good nap?” 

great comeback 

wonpil was so ready to leave the auditorium and never come back after the break

but he hears her giggle, and slowly come out of her shyness

and it’s a sweet sight, to finally see the way her cheeks look full of embarrassed laughter

as she twirls around a length of hair nervously

and taps the pen on the surface of her desk repeatedly 

it was endearing, and wonpil forgets about why he was panicking in the first place 

she then explains that she had work the whole day, and only had an hour to rest up before going to this 7pm class

wonpil listens intently, watching her mannerisms and the lilt in her voice when she continues to apologize for falling asleep on him without realizing it

“i’m not usually a deep sleeper, but work was exceptionally tiring today and i just needed at least a bit of shut eye” wonpil nods understandingly, almost worried about her health

“where do you work if you don’t mind me asking?” 

“at the coffee shop a few blocks away from campus,” she answers, head tilting to the side “i’m still wearing my uniform for it… is it too obvious?”

wonpil didn’t even realize her black long sleeves was a cafe uniform

but it did explain her strong coffee smell 

“something like that,” wonpil decided to say, curling his lips upward, feeling content and relieved at the turnout of events 

for the 20 minute break, wonpil thought they’d reconcile over what transpired between them and mind their own business soon enough— even if he thinks it’s hard to do that now knowing something about her

which intrigues wonpil 

and, quite frankly, he’d like to talk to her more

just so he has an excuse to watch her emotions paint her face beautifully

but there was a pause right after their short conversation 

and in real Awkward Wonpil Fashion, he shows her the 30 page reading material, in all of its flimsy glory and starts asking questions about it

“so uh did you read the whole thing? i thought it was interesting up until the part that i dozed off” 

and wonpil got his wish; he sees her eyes shine in surprise at his sudden attempt of an intellectual discussion

but she doesn’t deter him away

and actually, she’s read the whole damn thing. and wonpil was beyond amazed at the level of detail she explains to him about the parts he didn’t understand

he actually starts typing real notes while she was talking

this made her laugh in between her explanations, and wonpil didn’t understand what was so funny about

the fight or flight response

“it’s just. the way you’re typing this down so seriously, i’m sure the prof can explain it better”

wonpil shakes his head no, shakes it so much it hurt his temples

she laughs again, and he likes hearing that sound

“do you want to see what i’ve typed the past hour and a half of this class?’

“bet :p”

“actually nevermind” flashbacks of dsfkjsdjffdslkg ring true in wonpil’s mind as he quickly backspaces the nonsense in his notes

and the conversation continues from more psychology talks, to figuring out they’re in the same major but she’s a recent transfer student from last year 

and had been juggling work and school since the start of her senior year

wonpil wonders why he hasn’t seen her in the coffee shop yet

he would have done a double take the first time meeting her there for sure

“oh you’re too kind,” she suddenly replies??? 

wonpil had said his thoughts out loud 

without further embarrassing him, she says that she had only started working there since it’s more convenient for her; wonpil feels grateful she doesn’t dwell on the compliment any longer

alas, the break finishes and the droll of the professor’s voice reverberates throughout the room

this time, though, wonpil definitely feels more alert (awake enthusiastic) as the two of them exchange little comments about the class material

and before you know it, class is over and wonpil is an excited bunny. since they’re by the door they got to leave before everyone else

wonpil thinks it’s time to part ways… but this time they’re not fully strangers at all. they’re taking the same class, same major, they even know each other’s name. 

surely this isn’t the last time, right?

“hey, wonpil…” he didn’t even realize that they have started walking towards the bus stop together

“hm?”

“i think i owe you one,” she starts, stopping her tracks to face him. eyebrows up in hesitation, wonpil waits for her to finish

“you know, for taking over your personal space for my own comfort”

“oh that? haha that’s nothing :)” honestly if wonpil can do it again he’d volunteer in a heartbeat

“no, really. let me make it up to you. coffee? on me? i make a mean cappuccino” she winks 

it strikes through wonpil’s heart 

no need for resuscitation.. yet

“or a matcha latte? whatever you’d like it’ll be on me”

“anything!” wonpil exclaims, suddenly realizing the offer being given to him, the excitement bubbling up inside him again. “i mean, anything you’d like to have me try. surprise me,” he corrects himself

that manages to have her grin widely, eyes twinkling in excitement similar to wonpil’s and he thinks

they can get along

they can get to know each other better this way 

“would you be up to go for one now?” 

“oh— oh! now?” 

“yeah, that way none of us takes the risk of falling asleep back on the bus hehe” 

well, he really wouldn’t mind that happening a second time

“really now, wonpil?”

andddd he exposed himself again

it’s fine, she tugs his hand slightly to lead him to the bus that has arrived and wonpil follows in a daze

it’s a little full, so they have no other choice but to stand and hold onto the railings above

“guess no falling asleep here…” she teases, and now wonpil can’t use his hands to hide his blushing face

but the feeling of her just close by 

and the scent of coffee lingering in the air

in between them

just inches away from each other

it’ll do for now

[greatfay]

since ur answering asks and shit can u explain what u meant by generational differences in communication

Damn it’s like 2015 tumblr when my inbox used to be WET. So if you’re talking about the controversial opinions post, YES, like I totally understand where people are coming from when they say that generational divides aren’t real (because they aren’t, they’re arbitrary) and distract us from real problems and yes they paint past generations as collectively bigoted when Civil Rights protestors in the 60s (who are in their 70s and 80s now) are mirrors to BLM protestors today, who could be of any age, but the most vocal and famous (at least online, especially irt to the founders, like Patrisse Cullors who is 37.

But how we communicate is sooooo different. I really point to the Internet and Social Media as a major influence in how younger millennials (more Tom Hollands and less Seth Rogans—see even there, I feel like there are two different types of Millennials) and Gen Zrs/Zoomers and even Generation Alpha behave and communicate. We live in a world where we grew up either knowing right out the gate or discovering the hard way that what we say and do has permanence, the kind of permanence that prior generations have never experienced until today. The dumb things kids have been saying since forever can now follow them... forever. We have an inherent understanding of how online spaces work. Compare that to, idk, let’s say you posted on your Facebook (for the first time in 18 months) “All these big and bad grown ass Senators going after actual child Greta Gerwig lol ok, you’re so brave for attacking a CHILD over climate change” and then your aunt, who’s turning “forty-fifteen” in May replies to your post with “So happy to see my passionate niece! Much love from us, hope you’re doing well. Paul is doing great, waiting on his screening results. Tell your mom I said we miss her, we need to get together, we forgive her for last Christmas.”

Like... ok there’s a lot going on there, but your hypothetical aunt is oversharing on a publicly accessible post. And even with the most strict of privacy settings, she’s oversharing where your other Facebook friends (which may include classmates, coworkers, etc.) can see. But she’s saying things that would only be appropriate in a 1-on-1 conversation. This Aunt doesn’t have an understanding of such boundaries, she’s not as technologically literate and hasn’t grown up in a world of Virtual Space, she still gets most of her news from TV, she trusts what a reporter on Channel 4 will read off a script more than what actual video footage of an incident might reveal on Twitter, and she has no clue that she’s been sharing her location data with every post she makes.

There’s such a huge difference. I think it even affects how we experience and express stress and frustration. I think growing up partially in online spaces has made me more accustomed to conflict and consequence-free arguing than someone who never had to worry about that. I’ve been exposed so much to harassment and bullying, triangulating and echo chambers in forums and threads, and vastly opposing point of views at such an early age that it’s had an effect on how I see the world. Compare this to a customer I helped two weeks ago who was looking for a specific type of supplement for children. I found it for her, I handed her exactly what she was looking for, even though her description of the product actually matched several different products; to make sure I’d done my job thoroughly and that she leaves happy and satisfied and doesn’t bother me again, I then show her more products that match her description so that she knows she has options. And she proceeds to freak out, saying “NO, NO, I’M LOOKING FOR [X] AND IT HAS TO BE [XYZ]” and when I say freak out, she looked stressed and PANICKED. And being a retail employee wears you down bit by bit, and add COVID on top of it and little shit like this makes you snap, sometimes. So I have to cut her off like “Why are you screaming and freaking out, jfc you’re holding what you said you wanted. It’s in your hands. I gave you what you wanted, I’m just showing you more things.”

That customer is not an exception, she’s not a unique case. She’s representative of a frightening percentage of her generation, the kids who watched Grease and The Breakfast Club and Ghost in theaters when they were originally released. This is how they communicate and process information. She could not, for some reason, register that her need had been fulfilled, and defaulted to an extreme emotional response when given new and different information.

I’ve yet to deal with someone younger than 35 act the same way, the exceptions being the kids of very wealthy people at my new job who reek of privilege I gag when they walk in—but even they are like *shrugs* “ok whatever” and understanding when there’s something I can’t do for them.

Me: “sorry, we are totally out of that one in your size, but I can order it for you, it’s 2-3 day shipping at no cost to you and we ship it straight to your house”

A rich, white, attractive 22-year-old who’s had access to organic food, a rigorous dermatologist, and financial security since she was born: “mmm... sure, I’ll order it”

A 47-year-old of any socioeconomic background, of any race, in the same situation: “AHHHHHHHHHHH”

I just think it’s crazy how three generations of kids and young adults raised in a world where everything moves so much faster, where knowledge and entertainment and communication can be gathered so much faster, are often so much more polite and patient and understanding. Yesterday I told an older man (mid-50s) whose native tongue is the same as mine, as clearly and succinct as possible, that what he’s looking for is “in aisle 4.” He proceeded to repeat back, “Aisle 7?” four time before I dropped everything to show him what he needed in aisle 4, despite his insistence that he didn’t need me to walk him there. 4 and 7 sound nothing alike in English. There’s just something going on up there 🧠 that’s different.

Oh, other generational divides!!! We have different approaches to labor and working. Totally different! I’m a “young” millennial where I’m almost Gen Z, and I’ve noticed an awful trend among my demographic where people actually brag about working 90 hour work weeks. Or brag about how they skip breaks and live on-call to get the job done for “the hustle” like this “hustle, become a millionaire by 30″ culture that’s dominated these kids, idk where tf that came from. Like why are you proud of being a wage slave, getting taken advantage of by your millionaire/billionaire overlords. Compare this to my mother’s generation (she’s a borderline Genius X’er, she and her best friend were a year too young to watch Grease when it came out and had a random older woman buy tickets for her; she went to Prince concerts, took photos of him, then sold the photos on buttons at school, that’s her culture and teenage experience), where she’s insistent on her rights and entitlements as an employee, and these things she instilled me: “whatchu mean they didn’t schedule a break for you and you’re working 12 hrs today? oh no, you’re off, don’t answer your phone cuz you are NOT available!” There are Gen X’ers who entered the workforce at a time that America was drifting toward this corporate world, with more strictly defined regulations, roles, and understandings of labor rights (and also, let’s talk about how the 80s there was so much more attention on workplace harassment, misogyny and gender divides in wage gaps, etc. etc... not that much has changed, but at least it was talked about!). There are young people today who are taken advantage of because they aren’t as informed or don’t feel as secure and valuable enough to claim what belongs to them.

At the same time, those generations (Gen X and older) have a different viewpoint of hierarchies in the workplace and respect irt our direct supervisors. That’s how you get this blurring of boundaries between Work Life and one’s Personal Life that leads to common tropes in media written by their generations, where oh no! I’m having my boss over for dinner and the roast beef is still defrosting :O is such a “relatable thing” for them... meanwhile us younger generations are like I don’t even like that you know where I live, and if I see your 2017 Honda Civic pass my place one day, we’re going to have a problem. I think older generations have a different relationship with the word “Respect” than we do. Like, my grandma, who’s turning 87 (?) this year, and the other seniors in my area, they have a different concept of honor and an expectation of professional boundaries that I, and my mom and her generation, just don’t see (so then there’s something in common with Gen X’ers and the rest of us.) My dad grew up in a world where talking and acting like George Bailey and knocking on someone’s door with a big smile could get you a job, a job that could pay for college and rent no problem. My mom grew up in a world that demanded more prestige, where cover letters and references could get you into some cushy jobs if you’re persistent and ballsy enough. And I grew up in a world where potential employers literally don’t see your face when you apply unless they lurk on any social media profiles you have publicly available and they hold all the cards, and you need all those CVs and reference letters just to make minimum wage... so I feel like I am powerless in the face of such employers.

[obiwon-shenobi]

Alright because I know it won’t go away.

Boy picks up a mane wolf demon, boy is vet, boy wins the favor of this demon, nurses it back to health.

Boy now has a pet wolf demon yes? WRONG!! The wolf demon is smitten with the vet boy so much it goes out of its way to get injured just so boy helps him.

A year of this bullshit behavior.

The demons friends are like, “just kidnap him, save the issues, make him yours” but wolfy demon bae is like “nooooooo I like this headpat business, will stay.”

Did I mention the demon is like next in line for the throne? Mhm and they over here getting headpats like the bestest dog in the world. The boy thinks “pals for life!” While the demon is like, “this human is mine and I will rip your throat out” to other demons.

Demon king dies it’s time for the two pretty best friends to part. What’s this? Demon wolf gifts vet man with a gift, a lil crucifix on his middle finger, right on the nail. The boy knew all along he was harbouring a fuckin demon, even fed the demon his blood to help it replenish its health. He says goodbye with ease.

Vet is having a terrible Tuesday™️ just the worst day. His stress levels r high, and he missed lunch, rather have wine and sleep for dinner. He lost a little girls puppy today— it’s even about to rain (!!!!!!!) so you know it’s a day o’ sorrow. He gets home n there’s SOMETHING in his home!!!!! Clattering in the kitchen, smells like curry, who tf breaks in and makes Curry? Cue the prettiest black trans man you’ve ever seen.

Vet boy is weirded out, but he’s helped so many demon coded animals he just thinks, meh— another sparrow I save got in??? It’s not uncommon, this has been his life since birth. The man cooking rlly says nothing, so boy is all “hey pal? Which one is you?”

N handsome chef goes “oh bud I felt you were sad. What’s wrong? I made you dinner, don’t be sad?” N it clicks, this is that wolf demon. He summoned it cuz he had the depressies.

Two weeks out the vet learns his bestie is a king and is careful to keep his emotions in check so he doesn’t bother ‘kingly duties’ which bothers wolf boy because HELLO?? FRIEND??? ARE YOU ALIVE? And you can’t send texts to the underworld y’know? So now we got two bumbling idiots, one who would Heal the World— Make it a better place for him and you and the entire mortal race— then this unhinged mf who has openly killed for this human rotating around one another because some humans are rlly dumb. Who feeds demons blood?

Human gets into some shit idk just a lot of shit™️ and the demon is like dog I was in a war meeting tf were you doing? Now the demon is confronted with the antagonist of some sort after his human cuz jealousy or something (idk man I am but a passenger to this ride) since dork and dorker are connected it’s not the vets prollem too. So boom an immortal and mortal living together (JUST A PASSENGER).

Wacky, zany adventures pals who totally fuck but that’s naut! the point! Back when the demon was but a wolf, he’d put his dumb lil head in the vets lap! Headpats n a warm lap! In his human form this doesn’t stop! This wolfy boy does not care the world is in peril, if he wants a headpat he will get one! If the vet is working what’s stopping a thousand year old being from putting his luscious locs right on the vets crotch and sighing loudly from lack of attention. “But you liked me as a canine?”

In true anime fashion, the human isn’t a human at all but some fuckin water spirit who had to be reincarnated as this mortal cuz ain that just the way? They were soulmates all along. But you know that. I knew that. Everything is as it should be at the end, maybe room for a sequel, but you leave knowing the couple is a couple, they kiss and hug and now you got this kind young vet and his menace ass demon king.

Now how the FUCK do you write all of that? Asking for me.

[birdhug]

i usually have an internal radio going on at all times in my head, (it’s usually just. the songs im frequently listen to at the time) it doesn’t interfere w anything really. its not distracting. it’s not like racing/intrusive thoughts which i can’t control and stress me tf out. but with this, even tho i can’t control it, it honestly doesn’t bother me bc it’s more or less benign so it’s like. why fight it. anyway i just came to say that i’ve been listening to only oingo boingo all week and now my brain is 24/7 streaming boingo radio and i am literally going insane. i know i said it’s benign but it’s like i’m going crazy from the repetition and i tried to listen to other music but nothing else satisfies the dopamine goblin right now

[bdneiceme]

Changes....

Every year, at the end of the year, I always do a reflection of what the year has taught me. More recently I began writing Facebook posts, but 2019 taught me so much that I figured a blog would be much better...

2019, all in all, wasn’t a bad year at all. Uncomfortable? Extremely! Bad? No. I will say, it definitely wasn’t “my year”. I grew in ways that I could of never guessed. I hit record lows, but I gracefully recovered. And with God’s grace I’ll be blessed to enter into the last year of my 20s next week. So here are some take-a-ways that I learned.

1. Rejection is necessary. I can honestly say, my life has been extremely easy for the most part. The life I’ve experienced doesn’t hold a candle to some of my friends. It was imperative that I understood the string of losing, and constantly losing at that, so that I could appreciate how much life has been a breeze. I have seen more closed doors this year than ever in my life. I was angry. I was pissed. It was everybody else, and never me. It became a lot...It wasn’t until I talked to God that I understood that the rejection was protection. Even though the closed door looked like the end of the World, what was on the side coulda been way worse. Learning to take rejection and not turn it inward is an uphill battle, but 2019 definitely equipped me to better navigate those feelings. I’m grateful.

2. Love isn’t enough. With Disney+ shaking the table and having all streaming sites shook, it’s a good time to revisit a lot of our favorite childhood movies. When I was a Therapist I would refer to the “Disney effect” that many Millennials, in my opinion, are cursed with. We saw so many Princesses fall in love, go through trauma, but in the end true love prevailed. In my own opinion, we allowed Disney to romanticize some downright awful relationship standards and through some fairy tale music to it. And now many of us still follow under the unction that “true love” will always be enough. I believed it too, until it wasn’t. I found myself in a relationship this year that I was literally blindsided with. I ignored all logic and hanging out a few times a week turned into a year and half of complete and utter bullshit. Time wasted because love wasn’t enough. That little voice, the pit in your stomach, the lump in your throat...that’s not fear of commitment. That’s God literally giving you signs that, “This ain’t it Chief!” Listen to it ! If you start allowing it, you’ll have to continue to allow it and you don’t deserve that. I don’t deserve that. So I cleaned the slate. I pay T-Mobile every month for an alarm clock, but that’s okay. The peace I have is so much greater. I guess my first point goes hand-in-hand with this one. Though I felt rejected, I THANK GOD FOR HIS PROTECTION ! I’m grateful. P.S. Don’t become what hurt you !

3. “No new friends”. When Drake released that track I instantly caught an attitude. At the time, my new friends was better than my old ones and I didn’t get it. Until I did. I felt so alone this year. Not depressed. Just alone. This year I had to depend on me. I didn’t have the support that I desired, I wanted. I went through some of the darkest moments of my life alone. This isn’t a jab at my friends, but I had no idea how much I needed to be alone. I needed to depend on me and only me. I had to be isolated. I didn’t need anyone to try to sugarcoat the reality of me at a fork in the road. I couldn’t afford to fallback into the same pattern of things. Truth is some of the closest people to you will stunt your growth because they don’t want to see you grow, because what happens when they outgrow you? So they plant seeds by telling you it’s everybody else and not you. So while you stay stagnant, they grow, and eventually they’re the ones that outgrow you ! I thought I was abandoned. Friends that I thought I could lean on, I realized quickly, they were not my friends. Friends I had for years were now acquaintances. I was alone. But in those moments, I found me. I had the tough conversations about my own toxic, negative behavior, and in those moments I became a better version of myself. And now I’ve met me again. I’ve been able to meet people,and let my own guard down, who really do care about little ole me. I’ve rekindled friendships that I hindered, some hindered me. But all-in-all, I’m grateful.

4. The power of no. I give great advice. Like really good, but I don’t always listen to my own, but I do give it. I had to learn to say no. This year I felt so drained, until I started saying no. I really do think it means something when someone calls when they could of called anybody. But in the same breath, can you call them? Because of that little revelation I’ll tell someone in a heartbeat now, HELL NO ! Lol but serious when I’m not in a good head space, I tell people I’m sorry, I can’t today, we’ll have to talk about it later. I’m not losing my own sanity so you can process through yours. I’m not caring the weight of your burdens so I can weigh my own self down. I can’t. I won’t. Stress literally triggers so many physical responses that I literally started dealing with my anxiety again. Like can’t breath, gotta take a walk or a drive because I’m so overwhelmed, overstimulated. So I learned to say no. The attitudes will catch you off guard initially, but the freedom of ‘no’ goes a long way. My phone LIVES on DND 🤧 because I’m allowed to be selfish with my time. I’m allowed to not want to hear bad news. My spirit feels lighter. My mind stop racing, I was able to rest, all because I learned the power of no. I’m grateful.

5. Silence is golden. My mother used to tell me all the time that just because something needs to be said doesn’t mean you have to be the spokesperson. Earlier in the year I defended someone who I truly do care about. Ch...I got called everything but a child of God after I did it lol. It doesn’t matter what was actually said, because of my personality anything I say or do is always dragged to the 10th degree. So by the time I read through texts and phone calls, I was, yet again, the wrong one. But the situation taught me that because people already have so many preconceived notions about who and what we are anyway, why waste my time, energy and breath. Learning to silence myself and let things be what they’ll be has truly been a journey. I internalize a lot. Like a lot. I genuinely like to be liked by people. But this year I learned those committed to misunderstanding you will always do just that. I may do some off the wall stuff but my heart is pure. I’ve helped people who have slandered my name and I never told a soul what they did to me, and never will. As sure as I’m writing this blog, it’ll come out. It always does. But I what I have to learn to do is not allow someone to pull that type of behavior out of me. I even started going back to therapy because of it. I’m learning. I’m growing. I’m grateful.

6. It’s okay to be mad, just don’t stay mad. I’ve spent so much of my life bitter. Truth is I wasn’t over so many of the things that were done to me and instead of telling someone I let it turn me bitter. I was angry. I was hurting. I saw so many of my peers have people to lean on and mentor them through the processes and then there was me....I hated it. I still felt like a 6 year old little girl some days. As a child, I was talked about like I was grown. So once I got older, I learned to snap back 10x harder to ensure the disrespect would never occur again. You hurt my feelings? Cool, I’ll demolish yours. 🤷🏽‍♀️ But at 28 who tf wants to live like that? I wasn’t raised like that. It was draining. Then people looked at me to be the bitter one. You know the “jokes” they tell but in all actuality it’s the shade they don’t want to say flat out. It was my narrative. I was sick of it. Letting that fester....it ate at me. I had to give it to God. I always desired to be like everybody else until God touched my heart. It’s a process, but I’m better ! He’s healing me. Working on me. Allowing me the unique opportunity to grow through my own issues has allowed me to give grace to others for theirs. I’m grateful.

7. I’m sorry. I’m ending the blog with 7 points because this one is the most important. I’m learning to take responsibility for my own mistakes. Having the courage to embrace my own shortcomings. I apologize to those I ridiculed, betrayed, lied to, beat up 🥴, humiliated, embarrassed and disrespected. I know this doesn’t excuse the offense, but from the bottom of my heart I’m sorry. In my own disappointments and insecurities I took it out on you, and that you didn’t deserve. Learning to swallow your own pride makes room for the blessings you let pass you by, because your heart wasn’t in the right place. My heart is healing and I literally squirm thinking about some of my past behaviors. At the time, I meant every bit of it, because I was operating from a hurt place. I never gave myself an apology for the person I was trying to survive. I’m trying. Learning to not allow what happened to me, consume me. Forgiving myself for every mistake. Owning who I am and who I am called to be. I don’t want to turn 40 and then start living life 😕 I want to do it now. But I couldn’t get to it because I was my own stumbling block. God has a funny way of humbling you, but what he will do is just that, humble you ! And because of that humility, I can now let some light in I know how wrong I was, but the glory is...it’s a process...but I’m grateful.

I made sure to end every point with ‘I’m grateful’ because I truly am grateful. I’m grateful for it all. The good. The bad. The ugly. I’m grateful. Why? Because I’m still here, so that means it didn’t kill me. It could of, but it didn’t ! This year, this decade....taught me so much. My goodness my 20s taught me some things okay lol but I thank God for the grace He gave me to try to get it right. I’m ready for Scene 29 and I am beyond ready to see what 2020 has to offer ! I deserve it ! Be grateful !